Monthly Archives: May 2008

Justice League of America Haiku Riddles

Test your comic book IQ!  

See if you can figure out which haiku describes which superhero.  The answers are at the bottom.

1

Fish man swims quickly

Telepathy controls fish

King of Atlantis

2

In atom sized world

Atomic shrinking smart man

In atom world, big

3

Batarang flying

Dark knight prowling silently

The streets are safe now!

4

The man can stretch, wow!

Wiggling nose means mystery

His wife is so smart!

5

Super fast hero

Lightning + chemicals, speed!

Good guy, short blond hair

6

Deadly green bowman

Skilled, tough, martial artist

Has a son, his heir

7

Green ring glowing bright

Will power universal

Evil doers beware

8

Giant flapping wings

Feathered bird faced mask

Ancient mace in hand

9

Wise green man from Mars

Telepathic Superman clone?

Fire makes him scream

10

Super man, swoosh, bam, pow

A blur of red cape, blue tights

Green Kryptonite glows

11

Shiny Tiara

Large breasts in golden eagles!

Golden lasso of truth

Key

1-Aquaman

2-Atom

3-Batman

4-Elongated Man

5-Flash

6-Green Arrow

7-Green Lantern

8-Hawkman

9-Martian Manhunter

10-Superman

11-Wonder Woman

 Reference

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justice_league_of_america#Silver_and_Bronze_Age_.2F_Justice_League_of_America

WereVerse Universe Baby!

Batman Haiku

Batarang flying

Dark knight prowling silently

The streets are safe now!

WereVerse Universe Baby!

Numerology Wars: 22 vs. 23, Part 1

The number 22 was in the number kingdom doing what he had always done singing his favorite song.

22: I am the master number, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am the master number, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am the master number…

 

Suddenly infinity, the king of the numbers, appeared!

 

22: Your majesty to what do I owe this honor?

¥: I have some bad news.

22: I am a number and beyond good and evil and therefore good and bad news. 

 

22 chuckled to himself since he had been waiting millennia to say that line.

 

¥: Another number threatens to replace you as the “spiritual master in form” number.

22: That’s impossible I am the number between idea and form that allows ideas to take on form without me the material world could not exist and ideas without substance aren’t very relevant.  This has been my function since the time before time!

¥: Yeah, that’s true but to some extent your fundamental being is affected by the ideas that mortals have and they are thinking of another number as taking on your role so you might be supplanted and become just another number in the infinity of numbers.  Hey, we’ve been friends since the time before time and I just thought I would warn you.

22: Who is this upstart that attempts to replace me as the master builder!

¥: What do you know about the number 23?

22: Just the usual, there is some sort of 23 enigma but I am not an enigma.  I am the Master Builder!

¥: Well there was this movie and it kind of suggested all events are controlled by the number 23 and since the relation between idea and event is a type of then that covers your territory.

22: One movie!  Who cares.

¥: there is also a TV show called Lost that just everyone is watching and that show keeps on plugging 23.  You need to get out there and let people know you are still the number one idea/form guy!  Shake some hands!  Kiss some babies!  Beat 23 at his own game.

22: Get out there, what are you talking about I am a number and can only exist in number land as a sentient number once I enter the world of form I become just another number without personal identity and a new 22 essence takes my place. 

¥: But where there is a will there is a way.  As a number you can inspire someone to take on your case and get it out there.  I have this one crazy blogger in mind.  He’s just the sort of guy for this assignment.

 

Well readers there you have it.  The number 22 talked to me in my dreams and needs your help and frankly I need your help!  How can I convince the world that the number 22 is more important than the number 23 in numerology?  Comments are most welcome!

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/22_%28number%29

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/23_Enigma

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What if? Date 4: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Frasier.

Carrie has had her first book published and is so excited.  Carries publisher calls her and tells her that based on their research her largest fan base outside of New York in the US is Seattle.  They want her to do a book tour to Seattle all expenses paid!  Carrie has never been to Seattle.

 

After the disastrous train ride to California with Samantha, Carrie isn’t sure she wants to do any more book tours.  The date with Mr. Big in California worked out in the end but made her rethink her relationships.  Carrie has vowed the next man will be one who is in touch with his emotion and can talk about them rather than emotionally unreachable like Mr. Big.  Anyway, Carrie has watched Sleepless and Seattle at least four times and wonders what like the actual city is like.

 

Carrie learned her lesson after the train ride to California and travel in style on an airplane.  She arrives late at night.  The alarm rings and she gets ready.  A local agent drives her to the bookstore.  Unlike her book signing in California there are tons of young gals in what she thinks is Goth or grunge or some combination of the two styles.  Not a pair of Prada shoes in the bunch.  She’s sees more tattoos in four hours in the bookstore than in a week in New York and wonders if maybe she’s old fashioned and if a small tattoo placed tastefully were no one can see it might be fun but then wonder if the process is painful and decides that she is not a tattoo sort of gal.

 

A tall man with a square face and blond hair in a perfect Brook Brothers suit sits down to get his book signed.  She can’t help notice that he is extremely well groomed compared to all the grungy, bearded, mustachioed men that have approached before.  She was wondering if a black T-shirt with a flannel shirt was some sort of Seattle uniform.  When he pulls out a Mont Blanc pen she perks up a bit.  When the Mont Blanc pen turns out to be a fountain pen she is a bit surprised.  He puts out his hand confidently to shaker hers and introduces himself as Frasier.

 

Carrie: I can’t help but notice that is a fountain pen.  I didn’t know anyone still used fountain pens.

Frasier: Normally I don’t but I think a book signing is a special event and deserves a special pen. This is my book signing pen.  The pen itself is part of a special limited edition set.  Notice the azure finish that offsets the silver trim, that’s real silver by the way.

Frasier raises his pen to his eyes and looks at the finish and then at her eyes.

Frasier: Actually you have azure eyes yourself.  Azure is my favorite color and I don’t think I have ever met a women with eyes quite the color of yours, not to mention the rest of you is quite fetching.

 

Carrie is taken aback and pleased at the same time.  Unless they are gay, Carries experience is that most men don’t know the difference between blue and azure.  She briefly wonders if Frasier is gay but no he is definitely flirting with her.  After having spent time in California with a man that was sparing in his praise of her, this Frasier fellow is a welcome change.  She reflects a bit and decides its not the praise itself but how Frasier says the praise in a sincere genuine, warm tone rather than the ironic, kidding tone, Mr. Big half uses 24/7 that she used to find endearing but she suddenly realizes now irritates her even as she reflects on Mr. Big’s voice. 

 

Sometimes when Big raises his eyebrows in a Groucho Marx manner, with his trademark sexy smile, Carrie just wants to slap him since this assumes a familiarity he has betrayed and the worst part is that he doesn’t he even know what he has done to her by moving to California.

Carrie thinks: Why is it those habits we first loved in our loved one, in the long run become those things we hate the most?  Are we doomed to hate what we used to love?

Frasier: You know I am a giant fan of yours I think your insight into relationships while humorous and also quite deep.  I have thought of writing a review of your book from a psychological point for the next Seattle conference of marriage counselors and psychologists.

Carrie: You are a psychologist?  You dress and act more like someone in another profession.

Frasier: And what profession would that be?

Carrie: I don’t know but when I think psychiatrist I think Freud and when I think Freud I think beard and you are in the city with more men with beards per capita than anywhere but a lumber jack camp.

Frasier: Well actually in Seattle the civilians wear beards and the psychiatrists don’t in order to stand out. 

Carrie: Well in New York a psychiatrist has to wear ratty tweed jacket or something else that shows you have poor fashion sense.

Frasier: Hmm, you must have met my first wife.

Carrie: What?

Frasier: Nothing, nothing, let’s not spoil our festive introduction with memories of bitter vicissitudes of the past.  Look here’s my card.  Why don’t we get together tonight for a drink, consider me the President of the Carrie Bradshaw club, the Seattle chapter.

Carrie: Well President, Carrie Bradshaw wants to make a spot inspection and see if the fan club if following the national regulations.

Frasier: What regulations are those?

Carrie: That’s for me to know and for you to find out.

Frasier: A woman of both mystery and beauty quiet my beating heart.

 

The two arrange to meet at the lobby of her hotel later in the evening.  Carrie gets ready for the date.   Is it a date? She wonders?  She also wonders what dating a psychiatrist will be like.  Her Seattle contact from the publishing company recognized the name on his card instantly and said Frasier was a bit of a local celebrity because of his radio talk show.  Well she wanted a man who was emotionally available and could talk about his emotions, and certainly a psychologist fits these criteria, if anyone does.

 

Frasier walks her to a new restaurant that is about two blocks away from the hotel.

 

Frasier: The restaurant is a new French/Japanese fusion restaurant called Michaud’s.  Apparently the Chef has a mother from Montreal and a father from Japan that had met in Seoul where he grew up.  The father cooked on the weekends and the mother cooked during the week so he grew up trilingual, French, Japanese and Korean and biculinary, French and Japanese.

Carrie: Biculinary?  Is that legal?  Man that sounds like one National Geographic personal history.

Frasier: No kidding, I guess if you don’t have parents from at least two countries and are raised in a third country then you are hopelessly provincial.  I once met this Peruvian American at Gifted and Talented summer camp at Michigan State University when I was in Middle School and back then he was the height of exoticism but I guess nowadays he’s practically a WASP.  Well anyway, he does this lovely set of sushi dishes that include a truffle garnish, pâté and a Frenchified soy sauce that is to die for.

Carrie: How do you Frenchify soy sauce?

Frasier: Apparently you read the bottles of soy sauce Sartre in order to make them more cultured. 

Carrie:  You know I once tried to read Being and Nothingness and didn’t get it at all.

Frasier: The key to understanding Being and Nothingness is that it’s a lot of BS about nothing.

Carrie thinks: Wow! Funny and intellectual!  Carry is very impressed by the dinner and thinks that maybe New York is not the only city in the world with great, cutting edge restaurants.  Frasier’s phone rings and as soon as Frasier hears the voice on the other end his face drops and he is visibly upset.

 

Frasier: Dad why are you calling me?  I told you I was on a date and didn’t want to be disturbed.  Eddie is sick?  This is supposed to be a bad thing?  No, no I’m sorry that’s uncalled for.  Well what am I supposed to do?  I am not a vet.  You think it’s a psychological problem?  Have you tried calling Niles?  No luck, hmmm, I see ok I will see what I can do.

Carrie: What’s wrong?

Frasier: my father thinks Eddie, his dog, is suffering from psychological shock due to a TV show.

Carrie: What sort of show causes psychological shock to dogs?

Frasier: Well aside from I Love New York the TV show, not the campaign, that causes anyone with an IQ of over 60 shock, and Eddie has an IQ of 62, there was cartoon special titled “Hello Kitty vs. Snoopy” and apparently Snoopy lost.  Eddie identifies strongly with Snoopy..

Carrie: But I Love New York.  Dogs don’t watch TV.  Are you sure Eddie is a dog and not some figment of your imagination?

Frasier: Oh I wish Eddie was a figment of my imagination but I am afraid he is all too real.  Look I hate to cut our date short but I need to get home and help my father out.  I don’t see how I can help since I am not a licensed dog psychiatrist.  Who knows what sort of squirrels and gerbils are running around the brain of a canine?

Carrie: I have an idea why don’t I come over and help you out.  I have some experience with a dog called Petey and if I can handle a dog with diarrhea in the middle of Manhattan then I certainly can help you with a dog with mere mental problems.

Frasier: Are you sure my father is very…let’s just say, we are very different.

Carrie: Different?

Frasier: Dr Jekyll was a soul mate of Mr. Hyde compared to me and my father.  Bruce Banner is practically a doppelganger of the Hulk compared to me and my father.

Carrie thinks: Who the heck is Bruce Banner but keeps her mouth shut since her affair with comic book guy taught her to never, ever ask guys about comic books since they might actually answer your question.

Carrie:  I am sure you are exaggerating.

 

Secretly Carrie welcomes this opportunity to see Frasier in his home environment and also wants to see how he handles an emergency even if the emergency is a rather lame one.  In the past she has wasted time on endless dates before finding out that the man she was dating had some secret or oddity that made the relationship impossible.

 

Carrie thinks: Get right to the house on the first date and start opening up those closets right away!  That’s my new philosophy.

 

STAY TUNED FOR:

 

What if? Date 5: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Frasier.

-Carrie meets, Frasier’s father, Martin!

-Carrie meets Eddie!

-Carrie meets Niles!

-Carrie meets Daphne!

-And Carrie meets a surprise guest that will leave you speechless!

 

Remember anything is possible on the “What if” channel.

WereVerse Universe Baby!

 

Hello Kitty vs. Snoopy

 

Dissociative Identity Disorder?

The cutest toon of the land of the rising sun squares of with the cutest toon of the land of stars and stripes.  Does this mean Japanese identify with cats and Americans identify with dogs? 

 

Why are they fighting?  Cats and dogs fight!  We even have an idiom along those lines.  They even had a movie called “Cats and Dogs” which I think was probably biased towards the canines.  I like both dogs and cats by the way.  Hello Kitty has one giant disadvantage in any fight, she has no mouth much less teeth.  Hello Kitty (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hello_kitty) has come from a relatively privileged background, been raised by her own kind, allowed to wear clothes and even as a kitty of her own.

Snoopy has a mouth and has threatened to bite so one assume he must have this ability.  Hello Kitty is a girl though and might tell Snoopy that gentlemen don’t bite girls.  However, Snoopy has been living in a dog house and is rarely seen in the dog house suggesting the interior is uncomfortable.  Snoopy was kidnapped by humans at an early age and seems to suffer from some version of the Stockholm Syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndromeI) and Snoopy acts like a human.  In addition, Snoopy’s original Stockholm syndrome has developed into a full blown Dissociative Identity Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder), probably caused by being abducted at an early age from the Daisy Hill puppy farm. Living in squalid living conditions outdoors seemed to have shattered Snoopy’s fragile psyche.  Snoopy has taken on multiple personas such as being Joe Cool and a flying ace as well as being many other animals.  Subjects with this disorder have many psychological problems but are generally not violent.  Snoopy realizes he cannot bite a girl, even a cat girl and the conflict is a draw. 

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DC vs. Valiant Universe 5: Eternal Warrior vs. Batman

The Eternal Warrior (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_Warrior) is an immortal and DC has its version of an immortal warrior called appropriately the Immortal Man (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immortal_Man).  The problem is that Immortal Man was a third rate super hero that even die hard DC fans often forget.  You don’t pit third raters against Olympians.

 

The Eternal Warrior is an immortal but above all else is the foremost martial arts hero of the Valiant Universe.  The foremost martial arts hero of the DC universe is Batman.  After having kicked his brother’s butt (https://foxhugh.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/dc-vs-valiant-universe-1-archer-armstrong-vs-batman-robin/), the Eternal Warrior is ready for a fight with Batman.  Also, Batman and the Eternal Warrior are both strategic fighters so expect a lot of attacks and retreats and counter attacks.  Traps using the local terrain can be expected from both sides. 

 

Batman has his utility belt and a lot more toys.  The Eternal Warrior has just one toy and that is a leather jacket that has studs on one side for offense and metal plates on the other side for defense.  I like the jacket so much I got an imitation made in Thailand.  Let’s hope I never have to use it.  The Eternal Warrior is a master of every weapon and martial art of the last three thousand plus years. He does not carry toys because he has outgrown the need for them as would Batman if he was thousands of years old.  Batman once turned down a Green Lantern power ring in the Justice League International because he said it would slow him down.  The Eternal Warrior has carried this minimalism to the next level. 

 

Batman throws a batarang at the Eternal Warrior.  The Eternal warrior grabs a book from the pocket of his jacket and uses the book as a shield.  The Eternal Warrior then moves in on Batman and hits him repeatedly with the book until Batman is knocked out.  The Eternal Warrior had seen the Bourne Supremacy at a movie theater last week and like what he saw and has been itching for a chance to use those moves.  The Eternal Warrior is an old dog who can learn new tricks.  The Eternal Warrior wins because he knows what Batman is thinking and then some.

 

 

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DC vs. Valiant Universe 4: Dr. Mirage vs. Wildfire

Clash of the weirdo energy super heroes!  Dr. Mirage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Life_of_Dr._Mirage) is made up of necromantic energy.  As I have stated in prior posts, the Valiant universe is more positivistic than the DC universe and basically Dr. Mirage is a ghost with a pseudo science explanation that is a little better than the one provided by Ghostbusters but not by much. 

 

In this version of science, Ghosts are made up of type of energy and all the energy logic we have in natural science applies to ghost energy variously called etheric, psychic or astral energy.  For the record, most traditional physicists hate this kind of New Age energy logic but what do they know?

 

Wildstorm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wildfire_(comics)) is made up of antimatter energy, technically an exotic rather than weirdo energy.  DC has a plethora of beings made up of pure energy but most of them are made up of electricity which is a pretty mundane energy than an exotic/weirdo energy like antimatter.  How many electrical devices do you have in your house?  Plenty but unless you are an alien I doubt you have any devices powered by antimatter much less necromantic energy.  Even Superman went the electrical energy being route briefly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superman_Red). 

 

There are also beings made up of nuclear energy such as Firestorm and Valiant’s own Dr. Solar.  Nuclear energy beings are not as common as electrical energy beings but still more common than beings of stuff like necromantic energy or antimatter energy.  Anyway, the electricity in your house may ultimately be from nuclear energy making this type of energy mundane.

 

Wildstorm isn’t the only DC weirdo energy being.  Negative Man (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_Man) has a negative energy being inside of his regular body, host body, technically.  Negative energy fills the weirdo energy part since like necromantic energy I have no idea what negative energy really is but he isn’t a being of pure energy like Dr. Mirage and the Negative energy being can only exist for 60 seconds making him no match for Dr. Mirage. 

 

Being made of pure energy has many advantages regardless of if the energy is mundane, exotic or weird.  You don’t need to go to the bathroom, eat, sleep or even need oxygen and you are probably immortal but generally you don’t have a sex life either and that bother’s the like of Wildstorm.  The best of both worlds is being able to switch back and forth from having a regular body to having an energy body so you can have sex at home but turn into pure energy when needed as a crime fighter and some lucky DC beings can do this. 

 

Dr. Mirage blasts Wildstorm with necromantic energy and nothing happens.  Wildstorm blasts Dr. Mirage with anti-matter energy and nothing happens.  Turns out the two weirdo energies have no affect on each other whatsoever.  This is clearly explained in chapter 13 of the weirdo physics book but I guess these guys dont have that book.  Go ahead and ask your local high school teacher “what happens when you mix antimatter energy with necromantic energy?” and see what sort of answer you get.  This blog is becoming more and more popular so this situation may very well happen and I apologize to high school physics teachers all over the world ahead of time.  After an hour of this they get bored and decide to call it a draw and discuss what it’s like to be a being of pure energy or not.

 

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

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DC vs. Valiant Universe 3: Bloodshot vs. Cyborg

Bloodshot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodshot_%28comics%29) has nanites in his blood stream that give him enhanced strength, speed, healing and technopathy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_comic_book_superpowers#Technopathy). Bloodshot is a cyborg.  A cyborg is generally a human who has been enhanced through the addition of technology.  Some would argue that a person with heart pacer is a cyborg but no someone wearing glasses because the enhancement must be fairly permanent in nature.  Bloodshot does not look like a cyborg but like a vampire.  He has white skin, giant red circle in his chest and eyes lacking pupils.  Compared to his opponent, Bloodshot is a cyborg beauty queen.  Bloodshot also has some hard wired programming that allows him to fight in a super efficient manner.  Bloodshot does not have any built in weapons but generally carries firearms.

 

Cyborg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyborg_(comics)) is also a cyborg but a more traditional cyborg.  Cyborg has big pieces of shiny metal stuck all over his body.  One of his eyes looks like a camera and kind of is a camera.  Cyborg looks like a cyborg and he does not like the way he looks.  Dad made Cyborg into a cyborg to save his son’s life.  Dad had never watched the Six Million Dollar man, yet another cyborg and had thought of making the prosthetics more cosmetically appealing by coating them with flesh colored plastic and using thinner pieces of metal.  This never occurs to Cyborg either and mostly he sulks about looking like a monster.  Cyborg has super strength as opposed to enhanced strength i.e. he is stronger than Blood Shot but not as fast and agile and all those big pieces of metal probably even slow him down a bit.  Cyborg has any number of built in weapons and gadgets unlike Bloodshot.  One of his many gadgets is a device that enables him to control most computer systems.  An old fashioned version of technopathy compared to Bloodshot’s.  Most of Cyborg is covered with promethium, an exotic metal.  Promethum is pretty much indestructible but Cyborgs human innards are still vulnerable.

 

Bloodshot and Cyborg are both shopping at Cyborg R US the trendy new chain of clothing stores for the burgeoning cyborg population.  Both spot a really cool limited edition T-Shirt by Polo.  The T-Shirt has “Cyborgs Make Better Lovers” as its motto.   This is the T-Shirt every upscale cyborg must have but there is only one left!  This is a limited edition T-Shirt and both parties realize there probably isn’t another one on sale anywhere.  Cyborg needs every fashion break he can get and really hates how the fact that Bloodshot is a cyborg and actually looks pretty cool rather than looking like a monster.  Bloodshot is actually a better lover since becoming a cyborg since the nanites give him enhanced stamina and control of every part of his body.  Cyborg hasn’t had any good loving since becoming a cyborg despite having a gadget just for such a purpose.  Bloodshot does not care for Cyborg’s hostile attitude.  After some arguing and attempts to use their technopathy on each other, which fails, they square off to fight for the T-Shirt.

 

Bloodshot is more agile than Cyborg and gets the first shot.  Blooshot shoots Cyborg with a machine gun but the bullets just bounce off Cyborg’s promethium.  Cyborg then aims his sonic scrambler at Bloodshot and stuns Bloodshot.  A normal person would have been knocked out but Bloodshot has enhanced regeneration.  The sonic scrambler affects everything in front of it so there is not much in the way of aiming or much possibility of dodging the beam. 

 

Bloodshot could have leapt over Cyborg and hit Cyborg from behind but Bloodshot is not that sort of fighter.  This is despite probably having the ability to pull of this move.  If I had enhanced strength and agility this would be my standard move since it routinely gets you out of the way of whatever they can toss at you and gets you behind them.  Basically apply dog fight logic to hand to hand combat.

 

Cyborg closes in a punches Bloodshot.  In theory a punch from the likes of someone with super strength should take the head right off of someone lacking Superman style invulnerablity as is the case with Bloodshot but this never happens in comic books since this would upset the six children that still read comic books.  Bloodshot is conked out and Cyborg wins!

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

WereVerse Universe Baby!

DC vs. Valiant Universe 2: Armorines vs. The Atomic Knights

The Armorines (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armorines) are a group of U.S. Marines that wear armor based on bits and pieces of alien technology that has fallen into the hands of the US government.  If Iron Man is good then a team of Iron Men should be even better.  The armor is not as good as the X-O Manowar armor ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-O_Manowar) that is the premiere armor of the aliens but is the best the U.S. government could come up with bits and pieces of alien technology. 

 

Once again, we see a “realistic” POV towards weapons in the Valiant universe that is not present in the DC universe in particular that I mentioned in the overview of this series.  Countless aliens have come and gone to Earth on DC yet the US government never tries to appropriate any alien technology and just watches these aliens come and go passively.  The Marvel universe is similar but we do see in Armor Wars minseries how governments and super villains alike will try to use Iron Man’s technology.

 

In the, upcoming, Marvel vs. Valiant series I will have any number of armored teams to choose so but this is not the case in the DC Universe.  DC is a magic centered universe with a wealth of magic based characters.  Marvel is a technology centered universe were a wealth of technology based characters exist but a whole vein of this technology takes the form of the “power cosmic” that is similar to magic in that the power cosmic that is a super technology that is so fantastic and super to the point of interfering with credibility.  Valiant is a logos universe were both technology and magic are rule governed and not as mysterious or unique as in DC or Marvel and the readers and characters in the universe can learn, understand and adapt.  The US government can learn how to use alien technology.  The Valiant universe is also a more positivistic universe than the DC or Marvel universe.

 

DC has a very small number of armored superheroes or super villains much less armored teams.  One team is the Rocket Red Brigade (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocket_Red_Brigade) that was developed by the Soviet Union to defend the motherland from metahumans (DC speak for superhumans).  The problem is the Rocket Reds are not a team so much as a brigade.  The Rocket Reds never had their own series and the characters of individual Rocket Reds were never fleshed out.  There is also nothing “DC” about the Rocket Reds and the Rocket Reds show up after a plethora of such teams at Marvel.  The Rocket Reds could exist just as easily in the Marvel universe and in fact the Soviet Union, in the Marvel universe, developed the Crimson Dynamo and the Titanium Man as a direct challenge to Iron Man and made them into a team to defend the motherland years before the Rocket Reds showed up.

 

The Atomic Knights (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atomic_Knight) are totally DC!  Medieval armor becomes irradiated, in a post WW III world, and instead of killing the wearers due to radiation poisoning, becomes more durable.  I remember reading the Atomic Knights as a young man and when you are eight you don’t question such events based on something as boring as science.  The problem is that the average age of comic book readers jumped from an average of from something like 12 to 25 between the sixties and eighties and post-18 readers do bring actual science into comic book discussions.  Comic books changed from being a type of fantasy with a thin patina of SF to being more SF.  Star Wars vs. Star Trek is DC vs. Marvel in terms of fantasy vs. SF.

 

This change in readership age forced DC to retcon the Atomic Knights.  DC explained the Atomic Knights as a giant hallucination!  Such is the fate of heroes from a simpler comic book era in modern times.  Obviously the Armorines can’t fight a hallucination and this retcon will be totally ignored and replaced by a substitution of my own.

 

The Atomic Knights are brought out of retirement to fight the Armorines as test in front of the US military brass.  Many of the generals in the US military are skeptical of this new fangled alien technology and want to see how the new guys fare against the armored veterans that returned from a recon mission in an alternative future and fought various menaces in the present before retiring. 

 

Hey, my retcon makes at least as much sense as the official hallucination one.  The Atomic Knights are a lot older than the Armorines but incredibly the irradiated armor slows down the aging process!  Hey if radioactive spider bites are good for you then why can’t irradiated armor be good for you?  The Armorines blast the Atomic Knights from the sky.  The Atomic Knights don’t have blasters nor can they fly but they do carry swords!  In true DC fashion the Atomic Knights don’t carry 45’s since weapons monomania is a trademark of the DC universe as mentioned in the overview to this series.  One of the Atomic Knights throws a sword at the energy pack of the Armorines, rather than his chest, since they are on the same side and this is just a test, and brings the Armorine down and then pummels the Armorine since it turns out irradiated medieval armor is pretty tough! 

 

The Atomic Knights once fought Hercules before they became hallucinations and Hercules is about as strong as Superman and Superman is stronger than anything in the Valiant universe.  If Herculean blows can’t destroy the Atomic Knight armor then Armorine blows stand no chance at all.  One Armorine down! 

 

The other Armorines fly out of the range of thrown swords, about five feet, and come up with a plan.  They gang up on one Atomic Knight and fire all the blasters on the one Atomic Knight at the same time.  The Atomic Knight goes down.  The Atomic Knight armor is not damaged in the least but the person in the armor is hurled against the armor with such force that he or she is knocked out.  This is similar to how the kinetic energy of a bullet breaks a rib even when the bullet does not penetrate the vest.  Modern super armor would have some sort of shock absorbing layer but this is literally irradiated medieval armor with none of those new fangled systems.  Actually no one has figured out how to do this in real life but this is standard pseudo science in comic books. 

 

The Atomic Knights try throwing swords again but once you know what’s up, dodging a sword when you have flight on your side isn’t that hard.  Throwing knives is really hard.  I can throw a knife at someone’s chest from three to five feet with some degree of accuracy after hours and hours of practice.  I tried throwing swords in my backyard a hundred years ago and it’s basically impossible. The sword throws were so wild that I started worrying about killing one of the neighbor kids and gave it up.  Braveheart makes it look so easy! Still this is a comic book battle not an actual one. One by one the Atomic Knights go down. 

 

One of the US military Brass watching the conflict wonders how the Atomic Knight armor would do in a battle with the Armorines with an upgrade.  After all the Atomic Knight armor is really tough and if you add blasters and flight capability you might have something even tougher than the alien armor.  Better still use the Atomic Knight armor as a core and build a layer of Armorine armor around the core.  The armor would be less maneuverable than Armorine armor but suitable for environments were durability is more important than maneuverability such as deep space or deep sea missions.  This is after all the Valiant universe where such thinking can occur.  Stay tuned for the Atomic Armorines!  Just kidding!

 

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What if Comics 2: The Dark Psi Lords

The Dark Psi Lords is one of the most nefarious villains for hire organizations and specialize in parallel Earth invasions. Individually each member can bring chaos to a country.  Together they can plunge an entire world into chaos and are often hired by an Earth from one dimension to invade an Earth from another dimension to destroy the enemy psychologically as a prelude to actual invasion.  Each member is a master of manipulating a particular psychological weakness.  Their means are devious but effective.

 

Green Alienator

Their leader, the Green Alienator is a former professor and blogger, who discovered he has the ability start a war, battle or conflict between any two parties via a few well planted communications.  The Green Alienator has both limited telepathy, technopathy and hyperkinesic perception (HKP).  This is an unusual combination of psi powers. 

 

After arriving at an Earth, he can read the minds of the inhabitants and plan a strategy to increase divisions on the target Earth.  He cannot read minds word for word.  He can read about every third to seventh word of a subject.  These are words that have more emotional intensity.  Words that are emotionally important to the subject are easier to read than words that are not emotionally important to the subject. A typical reading will yield something like:

 

“I _ _ _ _ bought _ _beer.”

 

Translation:

 

“I was at the supermarket and bought a beer.”

 

The Green Alienator does sense blanks in the communication clearly.  The Green Alienator can sense the subject cares about beer a great deal.  Since the Green Alienator is aware of which words are generally of low emotional intensity, he has learned to fill in the blanks.

 

The Green Alienator has turned his telepathic weaknesses into a strength.  Since, he can only read minds sufficiently to figure out which words trigger emotions, his semantic knowledge of the emotional significance of words on the target Earth is soon quite large.  The Green Alienator prefers to use the internet communication system of the Earth under attack. 

 

As mentioned, the Green Alienator also has limited technopathic abilities.  Unlike more powerful technopaths, the Green Alienator cannot create brand new technologies or gadgets but can only use an Earth’s existing electronic technology in an optimal manner.  The Green Alienator can easily set up an internet based communication system that will reach millions within a month upon arriving at a target Earth.  The Green Alienator has been exposed to the electronic communications technology of dozens of Earths. These systems are often more technologically advanced than the target Earth so he can seem to be inventing new technology when this is not actually the case.  This combination of ability and knowledge allows the Alienator to create a marketing empire very quickly on the target Earth with financial resources that the Lords can use to their advantage for their mission.  The Green Alienator also uses his technopathy to create false electronic identities for himself and his fellow Lords. 

The Green Alienator has HKP is a form of body language perception.  The person with HKP can read body language to an extreme extent and can basically tell the mood of someone and if they are lying (https://foxhugh.wordpress.com/2008/03/).

The Green Alienator does not generally contact his counterpart on the target Earth, when they exist, since this has been found to be both confusing and painful.  His counterparts generally have just enough telepathy, technopathy and HKP to have some empathy for his situation but not enough psychic power to be useful.  Later they get in the way.  They want to help him but don’t understand he has crossed the line to full blown villainy.  Killing your counterpart in such situations is not easy.  Once upon a time the Green Alienator was a very different person and his counterparts cannot or will not understand what he has become!

 

The Green Alienator will contact the counterparts of former lovers and his two ex-wives when they were younger, while disguised and enjoys having an experience that is both new and old at the same time.  Seduction becomes easier after practice with a counterpart many times over but each counterpart is just a little bit different.  The Green Alienator also seduces women who will become famous movie stars before this is the case.

 

Overall, the Lords have access to technology that is 10-30 years more advanced than that of the target Earth. .The Green Alienator has a paunch and this causes enemies to underestimate his martial arts skills which are considerable due to his HKP and penchant for lethal gadgets.  The Alienator does keep covert weapons on his person.  His green cargo vest, that he often wears, seems to be of a normal fabric but is actually made of an advanced form of spider silk (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/01/0114_050114_tv_spider.html).  The vest is essentially bullet proof and knife proof.  The vest is generally filled with various gadgets that look like one thing but are something else.  The Green Alienator can sense when someone is about to attack.   The Green Alienator can also sense how the person will attack i.e. a kick or punch since he can read the tensing of muscles that generally comes ahead of an attack and will have the appropriate gadget ready to take out his opponent even before the opponent attacks.

The Green Alienator always carries a sonic screwdriver (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic_screwdriver) in the form of a Mont Blanc pen.  The Green Alienator stole this technology from Dr. Who (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Who) before fleeing Dr. Who’s dimension. The visit was an accident since the Lords have a policy of avoiding super heros as much as possible.

 

Having lived on many particular Earths, all three Lords have developed a “what if” view of history that is difficult with those without interdimensional travel to understand.  The Green Alienator can often predict how a particular cultural, political, or economic event will unfold and could write a formal academic treatise on the subject but does not do so since the knowledge dangerous in the hands of another.

 

Smiling Naysayer

The second Lord is the Smiling Naysayer.  The  Smiling Naysayer can come up with a thousand reasons why any action, project or even train of thought will fail and that the best course of action is to do nothing.  The Smiling Naysayer styles himself a type of bard.  In the case of the Alienator the words used are important rather than how they are communicated.  In the case of the Bard the opposite is true.   With his psychic power he can make the most outrageous argument seem sensible.  Generally, the Green Alienator sets up a talk show that the Smiling Naysayer can use as his forum.  The Green Alienator manipulates the stats of that Earth’s Nielsen Ratings (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nielsen_Ratings)

so that the  show is a hit and people watch hits in turn making the show and actual hit.

 

The  Smiling Naysayer can truly convince the enemy that” resistance is futile” via his talk show, unlike the physically formidable Borg but psychological idiots, the Borg(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borg_(Star_Trek)) that use the same sentence to no effect.  Despite making fun of the Borg, the league generally stays clear of universes that contain the Borg anywhere near the Earth in the 20th century.

 

A typical combination tactic by the Alienator and the  Smiling Naysayer is for the Alienator to start a war between two nation states and for the  Smiling Naysayer to destroy the will to fight of the stronger nation state.  Typically the Lords uses this strategy to get the equivalent of France to conquer the target Earth, one nation at a time, by having the French conquer successively stronger countries until seemingly impossibly, the French have conquered the Earth.  Then the invading Earth takes out France and takes over the whole already conquered Earth.  An Earth governed by single weak state is much more easily invaded than an Earth with many strong nation states.  This strategy was devised and perfected by the Alienator and the client Earth generally goes along with his advice. 

 

If at any point you think France is taking over your world then you are probably the target of interdimensional invasion!

 

The  Smiling Naysayer is not a technopath  but will use advanced technology, when necessary, to accomplish his mission.  The Naysayer prefers to use pubs as his forum for nay saying which is effective against leaders of the target Earth.  If the Naysayer invites you to a pub to drink then the chances are pretty much zero you will say no to the invitation.  The  Smiling Naysayer can cause Mormons to go to a pub and have a beer.

 

This ability to talk anyone in a pub to do anything means he can’t reach the masses of a target Earth.  The  Smiling Alienator can help spread the Naysayers message through technological means but this is not as effective.  Communication between the Alienator and the Naysayer is generally keep do a minimum during a mission, to keep their cover, but after having conquered so many Earths together this is not a problem.  The  Smiling Naysayer takes on many guises but generally keeps his trade mark Harry Potter glasses, a shaved head and is always smiling even when giving the worst assessment of a situation. 

 

The  Smiling Naysayer will look up his counterpart under disguise and they generally have a good time drinking at a pub.  The  Smiling Naysayer avoids meeting the counterpart of his wife and son since this brings up painful memories of his abandoning them in other to seek his fortune as a Psi Lord.  He will look up counterparts to the drinking partners he knew a long time ago on his Earth.

 

The Dark Purple Fog

The third member of the Lords is the Dark Purple Fog.  Unlike the other Lords, the Dark Fog will not try to disguise his appearance in the least.  The Dark Purple Fog is literally surrounded by a dark purple fog that is perceptible to psychics but not to most normal human beings but to some extent blurs his appearance.  People can remember his presence but have a hard time describing his features in any detail.  The Dark Purple Fog can move the fog away from himself and those under the fog find themselves feeling depressed, anxious, angry and eventually descend into madness if the fog is not lifted.  When the fog is moved his features can be seen by an observer in detail.  The Dark Purple Fog is the most powerful member of the league in terms of sheer raw psi energy but is only partially protected from the effects of his dark fog and this causes him to often act erratically. 

 

The Dark Purple Fog considers the use of electronic media by the Green Alienator or conversation by the Smiling Naysayer as being far inferior to his dark fog.  The Dark Purple Fog is also anti-technology and only uses the advanced technology that the Lords have if forced to.  The Dark Purple Fog has some contempt for the other Lords and privately wonders if he would be happier in a super hero universe which the other Lords have an extreme aversion to.  The Dark Purple Fog is becoming more powerful and is slowly developing telekinetic powers.  He can use his dark purple fog to lift objects the size of a baseball.  The other two Lords use a combination of their limited powers, talents and technology to achieve their ends.  The Dark Purple Fog loves how he can cause chaos with his power alone without the aid of talents or technology. 

 

The Dark Purple Fog actively looks for his target Earth counterpart and tries to enlighten him but his power generally goes out of control and he only hurts his counterpart.  Incredibly he lifted his counterpart, the last time he had such a meeting, and slammed him into the ground leaving him unconscious.  Generally his counterparts have low level blue collar jobs and have never left Alice Springs, Australia and cannot comprehend interdimensional travel.  Since the dark fog shrouds his features, they do not realize he is a physical duplicate until the dark fog engulfs them and at that point they really don’t care. 

 

Why the Dark Purple Fog has his power and none of his counterparts do is a mystery but one commonality is that none of his counterparts went down the dark and devilish road of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). 

 

As we all know D&D is just a thinly disguised sequence and set of spells designed by Satan to set in motion the end of days.

 

The Dark Psi Lords started when the Smiling Naysayer, not the  Smiling Naysayer back then, said the words of a particular piece of D&D text while…

 

No I draw the line right here!  If I describe what happened then three more Dark Psi Lords might pop up!

 

This information is classified!*

 

The Dark Purple Fog will seek out a particular bully counterpart in Alice Springs that bullied him on his Earth and torture him with the dark fog for longer and longer periods until destroying his psyche.

 

Under optimal conditions the Dark Purple Fog can project a fog about the size of Hawaii and once caused an island about this size in to fall into deep depression and ultimately madness without intending to do this before he mastered control of his power.  This island was in East Asia and is where the Lords met each other before they became Lords. 

 

This information is also classified. **

 

The combination of the psychic assault of the Naysayer on the leadership of a country and the Dark Purple Fog on a city under attack means that by the time the French arrive to invade the New York City, there is no will to resist.  The  Smiling Naysayer and Dark Purple Fog do not get along and the Green Alienator often finds himself in the ironic position of mediator between the other two Lords.

 

The Lords have an ultimate weapon.  This weapon is totally life like androids from one the West World dimensions.  The Lords are aware of the LMDs of the Marvel dimensions but do not venture in such realms.  The Lords secretly replace major political and financial leaders with androids under their control.  The Alienator uses the financial resources of whatever telecommunications empire he has to create the androids secretly. 

 

The Green Alienator has a personal interest in this technology since he has over time become addicted to the company of sexbots which act as personal constant from his travels from Earth to Earth.  The Green Alienator generally arrives at an Earth with an entourage of sexbots that acts as his agents and bodyguards as well as personal servitors in every way imaginable.

 

Each Lord calls himself a Lord because each one is the secret overlord of an Earth that they rule through a combination of covert androids and advanced psychological technologies.  Between missions the Lords decided it was time to do some conquest of their own.  There are a series of Earths in which Spain remained the dominant power and had no English industrial revolution.  Spain rules the world with an iron hand with the equivalent of 17th century technology in 1999.  The Lords targeted three Earths were Spain ruled the world.

 

The Green Alienator has many palaces on his Earth with extensive harems. The Alienator maintains enormous armies of cyborgs in secret locations around his Earths to prevent rebellion but mostly to prevent the sort of invasions they have facilitated.  The Green Alienator did steal a terminator from a terminator universe and even upgraded this already formidable weapon.  The Green Alienator also stole technology from a Matrix Earth and uses this technology for both recreational purposes and to explore his “What if” philosophy via simulations.  A primitive version of his thoughts has been posted on a blog on his home i.e. the Earth he was born on. He rarely visits this Earth and an android takes his place on his “home” Earth.

 

The Smiling Naysayers Earth has the most extensive global network of pubs of any Earth the Lords have visited, that he owns, complete with covert teleportation equipment that allow him to go from any pub he owns to any other pub.

 

What the Dark Purple Fog has done to his Earth is shrouded in mystery since he has never invited the other two Lords over despite the fact that the Green Alienator and Smiling Naysayer often visit each other at their respective Earth’s.  The two other Lords suspect the worst but are wary of the Dark Purple Fogs power and do not want to endanger their lucrative partnership despite their misgivings.  The Dark Psi Lords are among the most successful villains in the multiverse as their Lord status proves. 

 

How many super villains actually rule an Earth despite countless attempts to do so?  In this sense the Lords have been more successful than such noteworthy super villains as Dr. Doom and Lex Luthor.  Initially, the Dark Psi Lords would take about three years to take over an Earth but over time have become more sophisticated in their methods and with the addition of more and more technology from more and more Earths have become more and more powerful.  The Psi Lords can generally conquer a, none super hero, Earth in about a year. 

  

However, the Dark Psi Lords recognizes its limitations and will turn down assignments that are deemed too dangerous.  This includes any universe with super heroes and missions to far into the future where they might not have a technological edge.  Only the Dark Purple Fog has a level of super power that would give him any sort of status in super hero universe.  The Green Alienator and Smiling Naysayer are quite aware via secondary evidence, such as comic books, all interdimensional travelers knows that comic book writers and artists are interdimensional telepaths, that powers not talents and technology rule super hero Earths.  An offer to facilitate the invasion of the Earth that is inhabited by the Authority was turned down after a hearty laugh by the trio. 

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