Category Archives: What if TV dates?

What if Hello Kitty dated Snoopy?

 Snoopy can’t get Kitty out his mind (https://foxhugh.wordpress.com/2008/05/26/hello-kitty-vs-snoopy/).  Snoopy thinks about the adorable little bow and her perfect little black eyes and her cute little frock.  Kitty is even cuter than Peppermint Patty.  Snoopy listens to some Beethoven on Schroder’s piano but still can’t get Kitty out of his mind.  Snoopy runs into Lucy and gives her a great big wet kiss.  Lucy chases Snoopy for almost three blocks but beagles are pretty fast.  Snoopy usually gets a kick out of bugging Lucy but he still feels bad.  Snoopy visits Linus.  Linus offers him his blanket.  Snoopy holds the blanket but even that doesn’t work. 

 

Snoopy would ask Charlie Brown advice but he has watched Charlie Brown’s relationship, or rather a lack of a relationship with the little Red headed girl, for years now and thinks Charlie Brown cannot offer useful advice in this area.  Snoopy even plays in the sandbox with Pig-Pen and although he has great fun the heaviness in his heart doesn’t go away.  Snoopy tries to sleep that night but cannot.

 

Snoopy decides to see Kitty the next morning.  Kitty is staying at the Shangri-La Hotel.  Kitty opens the door.  Kitty asks Snoopy to take of his shoes and he looks at his feet in a confused manner.  He decides to wipe his feet of the rug and leaves a bit of dirt on the rug which embarrasses Snoopy but fortunately Kitty didn’t see what happened.  Snoopy sneakily moves some of her shoes around to cover the dirt stain and walks in.  The room is done in a Japanese style and Snoopy finds the place very interesting.  Some of the partition walls seemed to be made out of paper.  Snoopy liked to write books and his It was a dark and stormy night series was selling well.  Snoopy knew you could write on paper but Snoopy didn’t know you could make walls out of paper.  Snoopy has no idea what to do with the green paper his publishers gave him and generally tossed the green paper into a plastic bag in his dog house.

 

Kitty was in the living room area and his heart beat wildly.  Snoopy broke down and told Kitty about his feelings.  Kitty’s little eyes twinkled and she told him “Oh Snoopy san I can tell from your voice you are sincere but I already have a boyfriend.  Dear Daniel is my boyfriend.”  Snoopy was heartbroken and walked slowly towards the door.  Kitty out of politeness walked him to the door and trips on the shoes that Snoopy had moved.  The fall knocked Kitty out.  Kitty awoke and says “Who am I?  Who are you?”  Snoopy came up with a plan instantly “You are Kitty and I am your boyfriend Snoopy.  You fell down and hit your head and we need to get you to my home so you can rest and get better.

 

Snoopy took Kitty to his dog house.  Kitty looks at the dog house and can’t believe her eyes and says “You live here?”  “Sure I do” says Snoopy and adds “We are very happy when you visit me” and smiles a toothy smile.  Kitty is confused but automatically starts cleaning the dog house because it’s absolutely filthy. Snoopy slips in and out of various roles including Flying Ace and Joe Cool. Kitty would rather make tea and only half listening.  Still Kitty doesn’t mind his talking and thinks he is very imaginative even if rather childish.  She reflects that once she cleaned up the place the house is rather cozy.  Kitty looks at Snoopy’s giant nose and wonder why hers is so much smaller but after awhile she thinks his nose gives him character.

 

Kitty and Snoopy shared the dog food in the bowl.  Snoopy let Kitty eat first.  Kitty thinks the food is very strange and rather crunchy but not so bad.  Snoopy is of course desperately afraid that Kitty will remember and hopes he can charm her before this happens.  Snoopy decides to recreate the day before their date. 

 

Kitty and Snoopy listen to Schroder and then Kitty asks Schroeder if she can try to play the piano and does a beautiful job.  Kitty plays some Chopin instead of Beethoven and Schroeder finds her technique overly technical and lacking in feeling but nevertheless quite impressive for a cat.  Snoopy thinks her playing is sublime and he is determined to win Kitty’s heart.  Kitty and Snoopy visit Linus but Lucy answer’s the door and starts chasing Snoopy.  Kitty watches the chase dumb founded.  Snoopy loses Lucy again and uses his large nose to find Kitty again.  Snoopy explains that Lucy is just jealous of their love.  Kitty knows at some level this is not true but still can’t remember her past. 

 

They end a perfect day watching the sunset together and Snoopy has never been happier.  Just like that Kitty’s memory comes back!  Kitty tells Snoopy “Snoopy san my memory is back.  You tricked me but I know your intentions were from the heart. Thank you for a wonderful date but our love is not to be.  I must be true to Dear Daniel.  We are like two leaves passing each other in the wind and our destiny’s are not our own.”  Kitty gives Snoopy hug and a light kiss on the cheek and walks into the sunset.  A single tear falls down Snoopy check and suddenly Kitty is gone, forever.

 

 

WereVerse Universe Baby!

Badtz-Maru vs. Hello Kitty

Badtz-Maru has had dreams of greatness for years now.  The fact that he cannot seem to graduate from 1st grade in the Gorgeous Academy has been the one stumbling block to his dream to be the boss of everything.  Badtz-Maru strokes the scales of his alligator, Pochi.  Pochi rolls over unto his back because he especially loves to be scratched on his tummy.  Pandaba calls Badtz-Maru and tell him she has a plan to make him the boss of everything!

 

Legal Disclaimer:

The author of this post is not responsible for any children who lose their hands because they attempted to scratch the tummy of an alligator at the local zoo!

 

Pandaba hangs up.  She had been crying alone because the movie Panda Master has done so well in movie theaters and yet another cartoon Panda has upstaged her.  Pandaba has long ago given up being a famous toon and would just be content to be the most famous panda toon.  Later she gave up on this ambition since the Ranma 1/2 anime.  Ranma’s father becomes a panda when exposed to water.  This anime became super popular in Japan and Pandaba just wanted to be the second most famous panda toon.  Now it looks like she will have to settle for being the third most famous panda toon.  Pandaba really likes Badtza-Maru but knows his place in Sanrio Land is second or worse compared to the Kitty and Pandaba is not even the star of the of the Badtz Maru toon. 

 

Heck even Kitty’s cat Charmmy Kitty is better known than her.  Once again she ponders the paradox of a cat owning a cat and not going to jail for slavery.  Still Goofy the dog has owned Pluto the dog for years, at their arch-rivals land Disney Land, for years longer than Kitty and her cat without any legal problems. 

 

Pandaba knows more about Disney Land than most Sanrio characters.  She has been in secret negotiations with Donald Duck.  Donald Duck eliminates Kitty.  Pandaba eliminates Mickey Mouse.  Suddenly, the number twos at Sanrio Land and Disneyland are number one and no one is the wiser! Sanrio Land and Disney Land have a long history of difficult diplomatic relations and extradition from one land to the other would be impossible if even suspected.  But they are both just drawn too darn cute for such nefarious acts.  As Jessica Rabbit has said more than once “The way you are drawn is your destiny if you are a toon”

 

“Still” Pandaba thinks “Badtz-Maru is pretty popular and there are any number of characters in Sanrio Land that are less popular.  There are a lot of losers in Sanrio Land like Deery Lou and Patapata Peppy.”  But there are the serious rivals to Badtz-Maru like Chibi-maru, Chococat, Cinnamoroll, Keroppi Hasunoue, Kuromi, Landry, Little Twin Stars, My Melody, , Picke Bicke, Pochacco, Purin and Spottie Dottie.

 

Pandaba is especially worried about Chococat.  Pandaba thinks “Chococat might already be number two in Sanrio Land” Chococat was yet another cat and cats seemed to have a special luck in Sanrio Land.  Chococat was spunky and male as opposed to being well mannered and female like Kitty but as far as Pandaba was concerned a cat is a cat.

 

Pandaba reflected that dogs didn’t do as well as cats in Sanrio Land. Pochaccowas a popular dog.  Cinnamoroll aka, Baby Cinnamon, was even a flying dog but was third tier at best.  That also went for Chococats friend, Cookie-Bau.  Spottie Dottie was also popular.  Purin, aka Pudding Dog, was the probably the most popular dog in Sanrio Land but nowhere near as popular relatively as Pluto or Goofy in Disneyland.”

 

Rodents seemed to do well in all toon lands.  Mickey Mouse was a rodent and even more popular than Kitty in the toon world although Sanrio Land would never admit this.  Sanrio Land was filled with rodents like all toon lands!

 

Charmmy was friends with Sugar, a white jungalian hamster who is also Hello Kitty’s pet.  Chococat had Nutz the hamster and Jellybean the bunny as friends.  Unlike other toon lands, Sanrio Land cats and rodents coexisted in a way that would have befuddled Tom and Jerry. 

 

Rodents in all toon lands got along with other rodents.  My Melody and her rival, Kuromi were rabbit-like if not actual rabbits.  My Melody was friends with a blue mouse named Flat, and an orange squirrel named Risu.  Kuromi has a white rat named Chumi in her gang.  There was Landry the raccoon.  Picke Bicke was a fairly popular mouse.

 

Sanrio Land canines seemed to have a thing for rodents.  Pochacco the dog had several rodent friends including Choppi a small brown mouse, Guri a grey rabbit, Mogumogu a mole, Mon-Mon a brown flying squirrel and Rachel a skunk. Purin the dog was friends with Muffin the hamster, and Scone the mouse. 

 

This was ok since in most toon lands rodents and dogs got along in a way they never did in none-toon lands.  Most toons did not believe in none-toon lands but Pandaba was a rare believer.  There must have been creators of the toon world.  The argument that then you had to explain where the none-toons came from was yet another mystery.

 

Pandaba had often reflected that while Donald Duck was firmly number two at Disneyland there was no clear number two in Sanrio Land.  Getting rid of Kitty might just lead to a Sanrio Land character other than Badtz-Maru becoming number one.  And the fact that Badtz-Maru can’t seem to graduate from first grade had caused Pandaba to question if Badtz-Maru was ready to be the leader of Sanrio Land.

 

The last reason Pandaba had never taken the negotiations with Donald Duck to the next level was a fear that events might get out of hand and an out and out war between Sanrio Land and Disney Land could erupt.  Sanrio Land only had cute characters and no real warriors.  Sure Disney had plenty of cute toons like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck but they also had fearsome toons like Hercules who could single handily wreak havoc on Sanrio Land. 

 

Kitty might be the princess of Sanrio Land but in a fight with the Disney Princesses she would be in trouble.  Mulan had military experience.  Pocahontas was pretty buff.  Even nice princesses like Belle, Sleeping Beauty, aka Aurora, Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine and Ariel were a lot taller than Kitty.  The Little Sisters were mythical god like beings and probably the most powerful beings in Sanrio Land but how did they compare with Disney gods like Hercules dad Zeus?

 

Pandaba was very philosophical for a toon!  Getting upstaged by yet another toon panda was the last straw and she had spent hours coming up with a plan by which their gang could take over Sanrio Land once and for all!  Pandaba gorged himself on yet another shumai, a Chinese steamed meat dumpling, to erase her worries and thoughts.

 

Hana Maru was practicing ball acrobatics when she received the call from Badtz-Maru.  As a seal she has a natural aptitude for such antics but you never know when her current toon job might not work out and she might have to get a job in a toon circus.  Hana Maru was a white seal and figured this might get her the edge in circus work since there weren’t many white seals but still you need to hone your skills just in case.  Hana Maru in turn alerted the rest of the Badtz Maru gang including:  Hanatare Kame, Soga Iruka, Ogawa Same Otto, Nogaki Goroo, Mochizuki Anko , and Kobun.  They would meet in the Gorgeoustown Park near the swings in order to hear Pandaba’s plan.

 

Next week!  Pandaba’s Plan!

 

WereVerse Universe Baby!

 

What if? Date 4: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Frasier.

Carrie has had her first book published and is so excited.  Carries publisher calls her and tells her that based on their research her largest fan base outside of New York in the US is Seattle.  They want her to do a book tour to Seattle all expenses paid!  Carrie has never been to Seattle.

 

After the disastrous train ride to California with Samantha, Carrie isn’t sure she wants to do any more book tours.  The date with Mr. Big in California worked out in the end but made her rethink her relationships.  Carrie has vowed the next man will be one who is in touch with his emotion and can talk about them rather than emotionally unreachable like Mr. Big.  Anyway, Carrie has watched Sleepless and Seattle at least four times and wonders what like the actual city is like.

 

Carrie learned her lesson after the train ride to California and travel in style on an airplane.  She arrives late at night.  The alarm rings and she gets ready.  A local agent drives her to the bookstore.  Unlike her book signing in California there are tons of young gals in what she thinks is Goth or grunge or some combination of the two styles.  Not a pair of Prada shoes in the bunch.  She’s sees more tattoos in four hours in the bookstore than in a week in New York and wonders if maybe she’s old fashioned and if a small tattoo placed tastefully were no one can see it might be fun but then wonder if the process is painful and decides that she is not a tattoo sort of gal.

 

A tall man with a square face and blond hair in a perfect Brook Brothers suit sits down to get his book signed.  She can’t help notice that he is extremely well groomed compared to all the grungy, bearded, mustachioed men that have approached before.  She was wondering if a black T-shirt with a flannel shirt was some sort of Seattle uniform.  When he pulls out a Mont Blanc pen she perks up a bit.  When the Mont Blanc pen turns out to be a fountain pen she is a bit surprised.  He puts out his hand confidently to shaker hers and introduces himself as Frasier.

 

Carrie: I can’t help but notice that is a fountain pen.  I didn’t know anyone still used fountain pens.

Frasier: Normally I don’t but I think a book signing is a special event and deserves a special pen. This is my book signing pen.  The pen itself is part of a special limited edition set.  Notice the azure finish that offsets the silver trim, that’s real silver by the way.

Frasier raises his pen to his eyes and looks at the finish and then at her eyes.

Frasier: Actually you have azure eyes yourself.  Azure is my favorite color and I don’t think I have ever met a women with eyes quite the color of yours, not to mention the rest of you is quite fetching.

 

Carrie is taken aback and pleased at the same time.  Unless they are gay, Carries experience is that most men don’t know the difference between blue and azure.  She briefly wonders if Frasier is gay but no he is definitely flirting with her.  After having spent time in California with a man that was sparing in his praise of her, this Frasier fellow is a welcome change.  She reflects a bit and decides its not the praise itself but how Frasier says the praise in a sincere genuine, warm tone rather than the ironic, kidding tone, Mr. Big half uses 24/7 that she used to find endearing but she suddenly realizes now irritates her even as she reflects on Mr. Big’s voice. 

 

Sometimes when Big raises his eyebrows in a Groucho Marx manner, with his trademark sexy smile, Carrie just wants to slap him since this assumes a familiarity he has betrayed and the worst part is that he doesn’t he even know what he has done to her by moving to California.

Carrie thinks: Why is it those habits we first loved in our loved one, in the long run become those things we hate the most?  Are we doomed to hate what we used to love?

Frasier: You know I am a giant fan of yours I think your insight into relationships while humorous and also quite deep.  I have thought of writing a review of your book from a psychological point for the next Seattle conference of marriage counselors and psychologists.

Carrie: You are a psychologist?  You dress and act more like someone in another profession.

Frasier: And what profession would that be?

Carrie: I don’t know but when I think psychiatrist I think Freud and when I think Freud I think beard and you are in the city with more men with beards per capita than anywhere but a lumber jack camp.

Frasier: Well actually in Seattle the civilians wear beards and the psychiatrists don’t in order to stand out. 

Carrie: Well in New York a psychiatrist has to wear ratty tweed jacket or something else that shows you have poor fashion sense.

Frasier: Hmm, you must have met my first wife.

Carrie: What?

Frasier: Nothing, nothing, let’s not spoil our festive introduction with memories of bitter vicissitudes of the past.  Look here’s my card.  Why don’t we get together tonight for a drink, consider me the President of the Carrie Bradshaw club, the Seattle chapter.

Carrie: Well President, Carrie Bradshaw wants to make a spot inspection and see if the fan club if following the national regulations.

Frasier: What regulations are those?

Carrie: That’s for me to know and for you to find out.

Frasier: A woman of both mystery and beauty quiet my beating heart.

 

The two arrange to meet at the lobby of her hotel later in the evening.  Carrie gets ready for the date.   Is it a date? She wonders?  She also wonders what dating a psychiatrist will be like.  Her Seattle contact from the publishing company recognized the name on his card instantly and said Frasier was a bit of a local celebrity because of his radio talk show.  Well she wanted a man who was emotionally available and could talk about his emotions, and certainly a psychologist fits these criteria, if anyone does.

 

Frasier walks her to a new restaurant that is about two blocks away from the hotel.

 

Frasier: The restaurant is a new French/Japanese fusion restaurant called Michaud’s.  Apparently the Chef has a mother from Montreal and a father from Japan that had met in Seoul where he grew up.  The father cooked on the weekends and the mother cooked during the week so he grew up trilingual, French, Japanese and Korean and biculinary, French and Japanese.

Carrie: Biculinary?  Is that legal?  Man that sounds like one National Geographic personal history.

Frasier: No kidding, I guess if you don’t have parents from at least two countries and are raised in a third country then you are hopelessly provincial.  I once met this Peruvian American at Gifted and Talented summer camp at Michigan State University when I was in Middle School and back then he was the height of exoticism but I guess nowadays he’s practically a WASP.  Well anyway, he does this lovely set of sushi dishes that include a truffle garnish, pâté and a Frenchified soy sauce that is to die for.

Carrie: How do you Frenchify soy sauce?

Frasier: Apparently you read the bottles of soy sauce Sartre in order to make them more cultured. 

Carrie:  You know I once tried to read Being and Nothingness and didn’t get it at all.

Frasier: The key to understanding Being and Nothingness is that it’s a lot of BS about nothing.

Carrie thinks: Wow! Funny and intellectual!  Carry is very impressed by the dinner and thinks that maybe New York is not the only city in the world with great, cutting edge restaurants.  Frasier’s phone rings and as soon as Frasier hears the voice on the other end his face drops and he is visibly upset.

 

Frasier: Dad why are you calling me?  I told you I was on a date and didn’t want to be disturbed.  Eddie is sick?  This is supposed to be a bad thing?  No, no I’m sorry that’s uncalled for.  Well what am I supposed to do?  I am not a vet.  You think it’s a psychological problem?  Have you tried calling Niles?  No luck, hmmm, I see ok I will see what I can do.

Carrie: What’s wrong?

Frasier: my father thinks Eddie, his dog, is suffering from psychological shock due to a TV show.

Carrie: What sort of show causes psychological shock to dogs?

Frasier: Well aside from I Love New York the TV show, not the campaign, that causes anyone with an IQ of over 60 shock, and Eddie has an IQ of 62, there was cartoon special titled “Hello Kitty vs. Snoopy” and apparently Snoopy lost.  Eddie identifies strongly with Snoopy..

Carrie: But I Love New York.  Dogs don’t watch TV.  Are you sure Eddie is a dog and not some figment of your imagination?

Frasier: Oh I wish Eddie was a figment of my imagination but I am afraid he is all too real.  Look I hate to cut our date short but I need to get home and help my father out.  I don’t see how I can help since I am not a licensed dog psychiatrist.  Who knows what sort of squirrels and gerbils are running around the brain of a canine?

Carrie: I have an idea why don’t I come over and help you out.  I have some experience with a dog called Petey and if I can handle a dog with diarrhea in the middle of Manhattan then I certainly can help you with a dog with mere mental problems.

Frasier: Are you sure my father is very…let’s just say, we are very different.

Carrie: Different?

Frasier: Dr Jekyll was a soul mate of Mr. Hyde compared to me and my father.  Bruce Banner is practically a doppelganger of the Hulk compared to me and my father.

Carrie thinks: Who the heck is Bruce Banner but keeps her mouth shut since her affair with comic book guy taught her to never, ever ask guys about comic books since they might actually answer your question.

Carrie:  I am sure you are exaggerating.

 

Secretly Carrie welcomes this opportunity to see Frasier in his home environment and also wants to see how he handles an emergency even if the emergency is a rather lame one.  In the past she has wasted time on endless dates before finding out that the man she was dating had some secret or oddity that made the relationship impossible.

 

Carrie thinks: Get right to the house on the first date and start opening up those closets right away!  That’s my new philosophy.

 

STAY TUNED FOR:

 

What if? Date 5: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Frasier.

-Carrie meets, Frasier’s father, Martin!

-Carrie meets Eddie!

-Carrie meets Niles!

-Carrie meets Daphne!

-And Carrie meets a surprise guest that will leave you speechless!

 

Remember anything is possible on the “What if” channel.

WereVerse Universe Baby!

 

What if Date 3: Charlotte of “Sex and the City” dates George of “Seinfeld”.

Charlotte (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlotte_York) is set up for a blind date with George Costanza (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Costanza) by Elaine Benes of Seinfeld (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elaine_Benes).  George tells Charlotte that he will be wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap and a green jacket.  Charlotte spots George a block away and is shocked to see that George is so fat.  Charlotte calls George and explains how her cat has died, she has the flu, was in a car accident, whatever, and won’t be on their date or any date for quite a while.

 

Fast forward to fifty years in the future, George is on his death bed.  George became obsessed with figuring out who the heck Carrie was after Seinfeld died.  Charlotte was in Paris training Bulgarian gals how to be high class mistresses, not hookers, during the flood.  As Charlotte likes to tell her girls, “Any girl can give great sex but great sex and great manners and culture makes you the mistress not just another girlfriend.  Elaine has changed a lot since her younger days.  

She is thrice divorced is quite wealthy due to her divorce settlements and even wealthier due to her particular type of “charm” school. Charlotte now considers love to be a weakness that should be exploited by women since men are total jerks.  She arrives at the last minute.  Charlotte has heard about how George has been trying to find out about Carrie through mutual third parties.  Charlotte feels guilty about the blind date and figure she can now erase that particular sin. 

Charlotte tells George the whole convoluted story as she heard it from Carrie before she died.  George asks Charlotte if she will grant a dying man a final request. Elaine agrees.  George asks for a kiss.  Charlotte slaps George and storms out of the apartment.  George dies and goes to a special limbo for neurotics who aren’t really evil but will drive the rest of the inhabitant’s nuts if allowed into heaven eternally.

WereVerse Universe Baby!

What if Date 2: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Seinfeld.

Jerry Seinfeld (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Seinfeld_%28character%29) rarely reads any part of the newspaper but the funnies but happens to flip past Carrie’s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrie_Bradshaw) column and finds it hilarious.  He then sees her picture on the side of a bus in New York and thinks pretty and funny!  Seinfeld asks Elaine, with her many contacts in the New York publishing scene, to get Carries number.  Turns out that Elaine is friends with Carrie and thinks they would be a good couple.  Carrie and Seinfeld meet in an upscale restaurant in upper Manhattan.  They make fun of all the patrons in the restaurant and then proceed to make fun of all the dishes as well.  They take a stroll through Central Park and Carrie takes out a cigarette and lights up.  Seinfeld cuts the date short.  The idea of kissing the mouth of a smoker sickens him.  Seinfeld never calls Carrie again.  Carrie obsesses about Seinfeld for about a week before moving onto a new boy toy.  She consoles herself with the thought that he really wasn’t all that good looking even if he was funny. 

 

Fast forward to forty years in the future, Seinfeld is on his death bed.  Kramer mentions that he has taken up smoking again because there are these new cigarettes that are totally safe and he is going to make a mint selling them.  Seinfeld thinks of Carrie the smoker and says “Carrie” before he dies.  At the funeral none of the remaining gang can figure out who the heck Carrie was.  Elaine can’t help the gang figure out who Carrie is since she drowned in the Great New York Flood of 2020 due to the melting polar ice caps.  Ironically, Carrie died in the same flood trying to save her shoes from getting wet rather than going to shelter.

WereVerse Universe Baby!

What if Date 1: Joey of “Friends” dates Samantha of “Sex and the City”.

Friends and Sex and the City are the two top sitcoms set in New York City.  Each show has their acknowledged sex expert.  Joey goes after anything in a skirt.  Samantha goes after anything in pants.  The meeting of these two sexual volcanoes is bound to happen.  Joey and Samantha meet at a hot bar in New York.  They look at each other’s eyes and fall madly in lust and do the dirty deed several times actually.  Their chi is just too strong for birth control to handle and Samantha ends up having twins by Joey.  The twins are one boy and one girl.  The Twins grow up to be right wing, Christian, conservatives. They rail against the decadence of New York and start a cult in Waco, Texas.

WereVerse Universe Baby!