Category Archives: Metafiction

Green Tea and Jam

Why green tea? Green tea doesn’t actively detox toxins all on its own, but it’s packed with natural polyphenols that support the body’s normal detox system. Polyphenols work in two ways: they have a direct impact on your liver, the body’s major detox organ, and they’re antioxidants that fight free radicals. Free radicals are unstable. Free radicals should be neutralized before they damage healthy cells.

Why add jam to green tea? Adding jam to your black tea is generally associated with Russian tea culture. However, green tea is becoming more popular in Russia. I found green tea relatively tasteless compared to black tea. However, green tea in my opinion mixes better with jam than black tea. Green tea needs the flavoring more than black tea. Jam gives the green tea flavor a resonance and complexity with just a hint of an oakey afterbirth.

Some of the flavors I prefer are black berries, orange marmalade, raspberry. You can mix jams as well. Stalin liked Georgian pine cone jam and orange marmalade in his tea. Pine cone jam and dust are very beneficial for your bronchial system. Pine cone also strengthens the immune system. In theory, you get vitamin C from the Orange marmalade but the vitamins from fruits in jams are negligible compared to whole fruit.

Reportedly, Grigori Rasputin had black tea with gooseberry and cloudberry jam in his black tea on the day he was assassinated. This mixture of jam is considered bad luck by man Russians. However, young Russians are largely ignorant of this tea taboo.

I have had good luck with Lipton teas my whole life and was gratified to find they turn out a green tea. Lipton tea bags are convenient and often a price that is low than loose tea of a lower quality. Lipton is the brand I trust for tea!

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WereVerse Universe Baby!

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Frankencracy

The prefix “Franken-” is derived from Frankenstein and has been used to create the word frankenfood that refers to genetically engineered food and more specifically food that uses the insertion of genes. Frankencracy is a neologism I have created to describe a government based on body part substitution (other). The “-cracy” suffix means government. A Frankencracy is a government that uses the trade of body parts as a tool of state. This essay will explore how the concept of Frankencracy can be used to make America great!

In Marvel comics, Baron Karza (Marvel) buys body parts from the living and uses this technology to provide immortality to the rich (Micronauts V1 #5). Baron Karza is presented as a super villain and this version of Frankencracy is a nightmare version of capitalism obviously written by some sort of socialist. The exploitation of the body parts of the poor in the United States for the rich is obviously unethical. All Americans are deserving of equal access to life preserving technology regardless of economic station.

However, this overly pessimistic view of a new frontier for capitalism is not the only one presented in comic books. In DC comics, World of Krypton V2 #1 (DC) a more utopian Frankencracy is presented. In this version all Kryptonian citizens are immortal due to cloning. However, the clones do not have consciousness and therefore do not suffer. This is a version of Frankencracy worth exploring.

None conscious clones could provide body parts to the best and the brightest of American society so that they can continue serving the US.

The US can create a transhuman culture with superior technology that is a scientific manifestation of our inherent national superiority.  Imagine if the life expectancy of a Steve Jobs could have been doubled or even tripled via body part substitution. What technological wonders could American consumers have received? If Walt Disney were alive today then what wonderful theme parks and movies could Disney be giving the world?  Imagine a world in which our greatest leader, that is willing to put America First, lives for centuries!

In the film The Island (2005), clones are used for organ harvesting and surrogate motherhood for the rich and famous. Clones kept in stasis will lack muscle tone so a vast fiction is perpetrated on the clones in order to keep them fit yet politically docile. The clones are led to believe the outer world has become too contaminated for human life with the exception of one contagion-free island. A lottery is conducted and the winner gets to leave the compound to live on a paradise island while in reality the winner has their organs harvested. There is no need for such a fiction.

Clones with brains lacking a frontal lobe i.e. higher order thinking capability, which is the biological definition of humanity, can have the brain stem stimulated for muscular movement. Muscle tone can be achieved minus an expensive island as infrastructure.

Clones are an experimental technology and the use of clones to provide body parts for worthy Americans should be a national priority but stop gap measures need to be explored to make America great now and not in the future. An America First philosophy suggests that none Americans are not entitled to the same legal protections and rights as Americans.

In particular, immigrants that are rapists and thieves and worse are flooding across the border between Mexico and the US illegally should be viewed as a resource America can utilize. There needs to a wall between Mexico and the US. Unfortunately this wall will cost billions of dollars to create and millions of dollars to maintain. Mexico refuses to pay for the wall but illegal Mexicans can be used instead to pay for the wall. Healthy illegal immigrants will be humanely terminated and their organs sold to pay for the wall. Illegal immigrants that have committed felonies, especially violent felonies, will be given precedence for this procedure. Americans that serve the national good due to special skills and/or contributions to the greatness of America will receive the organs harvested for a nominal price. Illegal immigrants that are women and children will be exempt from the organ harvesting process, after all Americans are not barbarians.

Also, the US is presently in a desperate war on terror. Perhaps captured jihadists can be used to provide body parts for US military personnel that has lost such body parts in battle. The fictional character Rick Landau also known as Brigade (Marvel) is made up of body parts collected from fellow soldiers who died on the battlefield in Iraq.

This is an absurd proposition since using the body parts of brave, fallen Americans is an obscenity. However, using the body parts of fallen enemies is a natural extension of the prize of war logic that has dominated battlefields around the world for centuries.

In short, Frankencracy provides a powerful conceptual tool by which the Americans can reaffirm their manifest, God given, right to global supremacy! America is at a pivotal point in history. For the first time in decades we have the leadership that is willing to make the tough choices that are needed to make America great. As Americans we can wallow in nostalgic, fuzzy international, sentimentalism or follow this modest proposal and seize new technology to create an immortal superhuman America!

Tags

America First, Baron Karza, Brigade, Comic books, -cracy, DC, Franken-, Frankencracy, Frankenfood, Frankenstein, Insertion of genes, Kryptonian, Marvel , Micronauts, Rick Landau, Steve Jobs, The Island (2005), World of Krypton

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Werefox Power Spectrum

The Green Lantern has his emotional spectrum.  The Orange Werefox has his power spectrum via dimensional transport.  During a full moon, the Orange Werefox can dance and transport werefoxes from Earth’s in other dimensions in the multiverse to our universe. Weed in different dimension turns werefoxes into different colors and gives them different superpowers. Together we form the Cosmic Super Duper Werefox Team. We all hope to run for President of the US in our home planets and if we are elected plan to form the United Dimensions. Weed is to werefoxes what spinach is to Popeye.

The Orange Werefox has all the powers of the other werefoxes but his version of the power is miniscule compared to that of the other werefoxes. The Orange Werefox can sense how computers work but cannot control them like the technopathic Blue Werefox. The Orange Werefox has a high degree of spatial awareness but does not have the super spatial awareness of the Pink Werefox. The Orange Werefox can eat foods without any ill effects that would make any normal person sick but cannot eat things like rocks unlike the Purple Werefox. The Orange Werefox can turn on the charm but does not have the mind control of the Yellow Werefox. The Orange Werefox can vaguely sense other dimensions but cannot teleport to other dimensions unlike the Green Werefox. The Orange Werefox can raise his own body temperature in extremely cold climates to keep warm but cannot control fire like the Red Werefox. The Orange Werefox can be extremely creative and help others be creative but does not have the power of insanity manipulation unlike the Black Werefox. The Orange Werefox can stiffen his muscles to withstand extreme blows but cannot turn into stone unlike the Grey Werefox. The Orange Werefox can sense the difference between fertile and non-fertile soil but cannot control earthen material unlike the Brown Werefox. The Orange Werefox can be seen as being similar to the White Werefox but having a miniscule fraction of his power levels!

The Blue Werefox can control machines by interacting with techno avatars. This is a type of technopathy.

The Pink Werefox has hyperkinesic perception (HKP) and applies this power to Thai dance!

The Purple Werefox can eat and eat and eat which is a type of matter ingestion!

The Yellow Werefox can cause beautiful women to fall in love with him. This is a type of mind control (love).

The Green Werefox has the ability to teleport around the omniverse. The Green Werefox likes to visit the Harry Potter universe for shopping and the Star Wars universe for adventure.

The Red Werefox has the power of fire manipulation!

The Black Werefox has metaschizophrenia and is INSANE! The Black Werefox also causes those around him to become insane. The Black Werefox is friends with the Joker and they like to engage in lunacy together.

The Grey Werefox has the powers of Stone Mimicry and Petrification.  The Grey Werefox can turn both himself and others into stone.  The Grey Werefox has turned a little girl at the mall into red brick as a demonstration of his power!  The girl was returned to her human state totally unharmed and described the process of being turned into stone as “cool”.

The Brown Werefox has the power of Earth Manipulation.

 

The White Werefox has all the powers of all the different werefoxes!  The White Werefox power levels are about 20% higher than that of the other werefoxes across the board.  Uniquely, the White Werefox has the ability to not only sense danger but the type of danger and the direction of the danger.  The White Werefox  can detect the exact weakness of an opponent and visualize the exact way to use his various to superpowers to defeat his opponent making the White Werefox practically invincible.  The White Werefox also has the unique powers of accelerated healing and the ability to heal others.

The White Werefox prefers ranged attacks to up close combat and uses his flame manipulation in conjunction with his earth manipulation to create a wave of magma that can destroy whole armies.  If that fails the White Werefox takes on his stone form and turns the being into stone or strikes the anatomical weak points of the being he is fighting with super strength.  A being turned into stone can be melted with magma.  Stone has fissures the White Werefox can sense and attack with super strength.  Finally, the White Werefox has the ability to teleport anywhere in the multiverse and find and use the particular weapon needed to defeat any threat imaginable.  The White Werefox can just retreat to another multiverse rather than fight and often does this with threats that are caused by misunderstanding rather than malice.

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Orange Werefox History

Hall of Orange Werefox Cowls

Orange Werefox I

Alter Ego: Dr. Hugh Fox Senior

Base of Operations: Chicago, Illinois

Active: 1930’s

The first Orange Werefox was a simple crime fighter that worked closely with the Untouchables in fighting the Al Capone crime machine. Frank Capone was the person who took over Cicero for his brother Al Capone. As general practitioner in the Cicero area, Dr. Capone often gave medical treatment to those who had been assaulted by the Capone’s in Cicero. Dr. Fox felt that cleaning up Chicago was a lost cause but that he could make Cicero a mob free zone. The first Orange Werefox used an underworld identity to gather evidence by frequenting the Montmarte, The Ship and the Hawthorne Inn. On October1,1926, Joseph Klenha, along with his sidekick Chief of Police Thoedore Svoboda and 77 others were indicted for violation of the Volstead act using information the first Orange Werefox had gathered and passed on to the authorities. All indicted gang members avoided jail time on appeal. The Orange Werefox quit crime fighting in disgust due to this failure of the system. However, his son Hugh Fox Jr. was forced to endure a brutal regime of one hour of boxing and one hour of free style wrestling at a local boys club on a daily basis in order to be ready to be the second Orange Werefox.

Orange Werefox II

Alter Ego: Dr. Hugh Fox Junior

Base of Operations: Los Angeles, California

Active: 1960’s

The second Orange Werefox developed an aversion to physical exercise at an early age due to daily boxing and wrestling lessons and struggled with life-long obesity. The second Orange Werefox did not fight crime unlike his father. Instead Hugh Fox Junior was active in the movement against the involvement of the United States in the Vietnam War. The first Orange Werefox viewed himself as a crime fighter and thought this use of his name for political purposes tarnished the image of the Orange Werefox. The first Orange Werefox did have a secret identity that was revealed when his son, the second Orange Werefox, revealed his own identity on national television in 1968. This revelation led to a permanent rupture in the relationship between the first and second Orange Werefox.

Orange Vixen

Alter Ego: Unknown

Base of Operations: Detroit, Michigan

Active: 1970’s

The Orange Vixen’s identity remains a mystery to this day but she was an avid supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) which was a proposed amendment to the United States Constitution designed to guarantee equal rights for women. She disappeared after the bill stalled in state legislatures. The Orange Vixen was especially famous for acting as a bodyguard for Gloria Steinem. The full costume was considered a distraction at rallies and instead of the cowl, she wore goggles, an obviously fake orange wig and an orange lycra body suit. The toned down outfit still had the effect of concealing her identity. Her cowl was mailed to the third Orange Werefox anonymously. Many believe that the Orange Vixen was the bodybuilder Kay Baxter before she won the second U.S. Women’s National Physique Championship in 1979. There is even a rumor that the Orange Vixen was the Orange Werefox II impersonating a woman after a stint of bodybuilding but this is generally considered an urban legend.

Orange Werefox III

Alter Ego: Dr. Hugh Fox III

Base of Operations: Asia

Active: 1990’s – Present

I am the current Orange Werefox and want to share the Orange Werefox story using new media! I am also interested in working with others to create Orange Werefox related intellectual properties such as movies, comic books and/or toys.  I may or may not possess Hyperkinesic Perception (HKP).

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Is Kobe Lobster A Needless Extravagance?

Kobe Lobster Label

Above is the label of an exciting new product and comments about the label and the product are welcomed and will be forwarded to the appropriate channels.  Elitists around the world have long argued that the best beef in the world is Kobe beef. One of the distinctive characteristics of Kobe beef is that the cattle are feed apples and beer. The cows are also given daily massages!

This may be how Kobe Beef is made

Happy cows seem to be better tasting cows and Kobe beef sells for 500$ a kilo! The same people who brought you Kobe beef are now thinking of branching into lobster which will be branded as Kobe Lobster. Because of my blog, I was part of an exclusive focus group that tasted Kobe Lobster in a Japanese restaurant in Bangkok. The management of Kobe Lobster wanted to find out what trend setters around the world think of their new product and are presumably having similar focus groups around the world.

The lobster are currently being massaged on a daily level. The people at Kobe are not sure if this practice will continue since the lobster don’t seem to care for the massages and the lobsters have been known to take a nip at the fingers of the massagers with their claws.

The lobster are underwater in tanks so they cannot hear music but classical music is piped in via boom boxes that are pressed against the glass. Presumably, the vibrations make the lobsters happier and therefore better tasting lobster. The Kobe lobsters are also shown peaceful ocean video that presumably should make the lobsters feel more at home. A Kobe lobster is given about five times more space per tank than a normal lobster.

The Kobe people tried giving the lobsters beer and apples but this caused the lobsters to die! The Kobe people then hired a team of animal psychologists and marine biologists to find out what diet makes lobsters happy and to answer the deeper question, “What makes a lobster happy?” I did ask what diet makes lobsters happy and I was told that this is a trade secret.

I have to admit the lobster that I ate was very tasty. I am not sure if Kobe lobster is tastier than normal lobster but it was tasty. It takes about 500 dollars to raise a single lobster the “Kobe way” and this is reflected in the price. Kobe lobster will not be sold by the pound like other lobster but by the lobster.  A single Kobe lobster will run you 1,000 dollars if and when this product hits the market!  Kobe lobster’s are guaranteed to be at least ten pounds so the lobster is only 100 dollars a pound which is far less than the cost of Kobe beef!  My own free meal was contingent on my writing an article about Kobe Lobster on my blog which I have done here.

I enjoyed the whole experience but later started to wonder if this is the best use of the Earth’s resources? Wouldn’t the 500 dollars being spent to make happier lobsters be better spent on making happier people or better yet less starving people?

You can also download my autobiography of my struggle with a bipolar condition on  Am I Kitsune on my Google Drive.

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Kate the Devil Girl

Kate the Devil Girl

The first volume of The House of Mystery was a horror anthology.  Kate the Devil Girl never made the cover The House of Mystery but was a back story that had a loyal following in the seventies and DC has collected her six appearances into a single volume.  Kate the Devil Girl is a normal high school student until she finds a demonic wand that gives her various demonic powers including super strength, limited invulnerability and the ability to shoot magical flames from her hands.  The catch is that every time she picks up her wand, she has evil impulses that become stronger and stronger and she is in danger of becoming a full blown demon and therefore also more powerful.

At the end of the adventure, Kate always resolves to never use the wand again but there is always some emergency that forces her to use the wand again. In her third appearance, the wand accidentally absorbs the life force of a Cambodian exchange student and the head of the wand can now talk and give her advice but mostly the wand urges Kate to figure out a way to return him to his human form.  In the sixth and final appearance of Kate the Devil Girl the various plot lines that had developed were not resolved.  Many people thought that Kate the Devil Girl would become a Vertigo title eventually. In this incarnation, the various loose plot lines of the original would be resolved but this never happened.  Perhaps this reprint means new adventures of Kate the Devil Girl are possible in the future.

Photos at:

http://s883.photobucket.com/user/foxhugh/library/Burapha%20Halloween%202014

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

More comic book articles on this blog at:

https://foxhugh.com/?s=comic

You can also download my autobiography of my struggle with a bipolar condition on  Am I Kitsune on my Google Drive.

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Hugh Fox III - Alien Glow

Image

Funeral Crashing Rules

Funeral Crashing Rules by Hugh Fox III

1) Wedding crashing rules don’t apply to funeral crashing.

Wedding crashing is attending a wedding without an invitation.  Since funerals do not require an invitation there should not be such a thing as funeral crashing.  However, because of the movie Wedding Crashers in which the motive of wedding crashing is to meet girls, the concept of going to funerals to meet girls is now referred to as funeral crashing and this behavior is part of the movie.

Weddings are a party.  Funerals are a duty.  Funeral crashing is much, much easier logistically than wedding crashing.  Weddings are expensive affairs and exclusive.  People have spent thousands of dollars for the wedding and don’t want people who don’t belong.  Funerals are “bare bones” affairs when it comes to refreshments, pun intended.  Your presence costs the person(s) having the funeral almost nothing.  No one wants to die alone!  A sparsely populated funeral is also distressing to the family.  No one wants low attendance at a funeral.  In the past mourners, in some places, were hired to attend funerals.  You are much, much more welcome at a funeral than a wedding.

Don’t use an alias as is suggested for wedding crashing but instead befriend the elderly.  You only need an alias if you are doing something wrong.  Do something right instead!  The simplest way to get invited to funerals is to do volunteer work at a nursing home! Do a good job as a volunteer and see funeral crashing as a well earned reward for all your efforts.

You need to focus on the elderly that look like they are going to die soon and have attractive younger relatives.   You can figure out who is going to die by talking with the staff at a nursing home.  Staff at a nursing home does know who is going to die next!  Asking staff that about who is going to die will seem ghoulish so couch your inquiries in the guise of concern about the health of the elderly at the nursing home.  This handles the problem of finding elderly that are going to die soon so you can crash their funeral.  Now you need to weed out the soon to be deceased who have attractive relatives versus those who do not.

When you entertain an elderly person at a nursing home go straight to the photo album.  The elderly love to take a trip down memory lane with their photo album so this should not be a problem.  If the most attractive female relative is unlikely to attend the funeral of the elderly friend due to distance or lack of closeness to your elderly friend then move on to a second elderly target and so on and so on. Funeral crashing target acquisition is an art and you need to be good at spotting photos that are photo shopped and/or out of date.  How the, would be, target looks in a photo album and in real life can be two different things.  Get to the photo album early on so as not to waste time on an elderly friend that has no worthwhile targets at their funeral.

Dump the wedding crashing wing man and go solo for funeral crashing!  The only reason you need a wing man for wedding crashing is to establish credibility because you are using an alias and no one recognizes you.  Not only will everyone at the funeral know who you are but you will have a reputation as the fine young man who helps old people!

You can’t trust other people, even wing men, with the delicate task of funeral crashing.  Funeral crashing is even more taboo than wedding crashing.  For various reasons people think that taking advantage of human weakness at a funeral for sexual pleasure is not a nice thing to do to women!  Never, ever tell anyone what you are up to.  Stick to your cover story that you care about the elderly and have no ulterior motives no matter what.  Only a mind reader can say you have ulterior motives in the case of funeral crashing done correctly.  The truth is that if you follow the rules of this article then you will never be challenged.

Use social media.  Do set up a Facebook account for your elderly “friend” if the elderly friend doesn’t have one and then get the elderly friend to friend you and then you can in turn friend the primary target.  You can also use traditional media to get as much information about the primary target as possible.  Print media may have professional information and especially academic information such as publications by the primary target that will be useful in creating rapport with the primary target.

When the elderly friend dies then you can send a message to the primary target via Facebook offering condolences.  This establishes a relationship before the funeral has even started.  At the funeral tell the primary target that the elderly friend talked about her all the time.  The favorite topic of all humans is themselves and this is especially true of women.  The target will be curious about what the elderly friend said about her and of course this was all complimentary and insightful.  You are offering her insight to the target about herself from a wise old person from beyond the grave!  The better your narrative, the more likely you will score later.  Do spend time writing a two page story of her as told by the common elderly friend.  The elderly friend of course saw heroic qualities in the target that no one else saw and never expressed her thoughts to the target while she was alive!  All women think they are heroines in a soap opera at some level and confirming this suspicion means that she will want to be around you to hear the whole story.

I recommend using a monomyth structure.  From Wikipedia, “Joseph Campbell’s monomyth, or the hero’s journey, is a basic pattern that its proponents argue is found in many narratives from around the world. This widely distributed pattern was described by Campbell in The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949). An enthusiast of novelist James Joyce, Campbell borrowed the term monomyth from Joyce’s Finnegans Wake.  Literary skills will help with this narrative.  Writing a poem or song about a woman is one thing but an epic saga of her life is much more interesting for the target.

I have a basic monomyth template that I use and I then fill in the blanks as needed.  Never, ever let anyone get a hold of your template!  This is a top secret document.  If you say the story orally then you will naturally vary the story from target to target as you improvise.  If the target ever gets a copy of the template or even the completed template then she will realize that something is up.  You can always claim the completed template was written for her and was going to be a present in the future.  The incomplete template is harder to explain.  If two different targets can compare their completed templates then you will stand revealed as a funeral crasher.  A paper copy of the monomyth template is a bad idea.  Store your template on your smart phone where you can refer to it in the toilet as needed.  Make sure your smart phone has up to date data security features.

You can store your template on Google Drive so now the target has to get past your cell phone password followed by your online user name and password.  You may want to create a totally separate Google account for funeral crashing.  Do not store your template on the hard disk drive of your computer since women do like to snoop and are increasingly computer literate.

Wedding crashing is a shotgun approach for pretty boys.  Funeral crashing is a sniper approach for literate intellectuals.  The vast majority of attendees at a funeral will be old and not suitable targets as opposed to a wedding with all those bride maids.  You need to target selectively at a funeral.  Now if a target of opportunity happens to show up to the funeral well then blast away but realize you won’t have the advantage of the monomyth that is a key part of successful funeral crashing.

2) Understand the five stages of grief.

The five stages of grief are (1) Denial, (2) Anger, (3) Bargaining, (4) Depression, and (5) Acceptance.  When the primary target loses a grandmother or grand aunt or whatever then she will be in one of the five stages of grief.  You want to be one stage behind the primary target.  That way the primary target can console you by understanding what you feel.  The fact that the primary target understands your feelings and is helping you out will bring out her maternal instinct and she is more likely to hug you when you cry.  Women are at their most sexual in stages (2) Anger and (4) Depression. An angry woman is sexual to vent her anger.  A depressed woman is sexual to feel alive.    The sex will be hotter if she is in stage 2, anger but sex is more likely if she is in stage 4, depression.  Either way, she is primed for the crying jag to grope session (CJTGS) that is dealt with in the next section of this essay.

3) Understand the mechanics of CTGS.

The first step to successful CTGS is successful crying!  Great actors dredge up sad memories in order to cry.   Mediocre actors use the staring method.  The staring method as the name suggests consists of staring until moisture gathers in your eyes that seem like tears.  Last but not least, you can use menthol to cause your eyes to water.  You will need to visit the rest room to use the menthol but people often go to the rest room to hide their tears so this makes perfect sense.  You can use the same break to look up the targets monomyth on your cell phone.

Crying is not just tears.  Watch great actors crying and study how they cry.  You want to develop macho crying.  You are filled with grief but are holding your grief inside.  One or two tears show up and you do not acknowledge them but your body language tells a different story.

You don’t want to cry in public.  You want to slowly lure the primary target from the crowd while using tidbits of the monomyth about her to lure her to some other part of the funeral home and then cry. Basically you are a bard using modern psychology to lure the damsel into your castle.   Funeral crashers need monomyths as well.  You have a choice of many rooms in a funeral parlor.  There should be more than one chapel.   You could use a chapel that is not in use but chapels are a bad idea since the religious overtones cause the target to experience guilt in many cases.  Guilt on the part of the target can interfere with the CJTGS process.  A funeral parlor will have at least one lounge.  The problem is that lounges are busy places and you never know who will interrupt your CJTGS.  Funeral parlors also generally have more than one reception area.  You best bet is to pay attention to the funeral parlor schedule and try to get her into a reception area that is not being used during the period of your target funeral.  The reception area resembles a very tasteful living room and will have at least one plush sofa that can be used as part of the CJTGS process.  When you start crying then the primary target will try to comfort you by hugging you and that’s when you slowly but surely start touching other parts of her anatomy so grief turns into sexual arousal.  Again if she is in the anger or depression state of grief sexual arousal is more likely but in general humans respond to grief by looking for intense pleasure whether it be alcohol, drugs or sex.  You are there to provide sex to the target when she really needs it!

Another place for turning a crying jag into a sexual situation is behind a mausoleum with a good view at the cemetery rather than the funeral parlor.  The mausoleum is harder to get to but more privacy is available and the chances of being interrupted are much lower.  The front of a mausoleum looks like a mausoleum and this is creepy.  The back looks like a wall.  A mausoleum back that faces a lake, and/or forested area can seem to be like a park rather than a graveyard.  Going into the mausoleum is just too creepy.  As you do more and more funeral crashing, you will get to know the geography of the various graveyards and will be able to find the perfect area for CJTGS with the primary target.  You are looking for a place that is isolated and picturesque in the cemetery.

You will probably not get to third base at the funeral home or the cemetery but given that you are probably already Facebook friends, you can contact the primary target and pretend that you want to just talk at someplace nice like a restaurant so that the two of you can deal with your grief together.  Obviously your place or her place is better than a restaurant.  Again, humans often use sex to distract themselves from grief.  You have already set up the ground work during the CJTGS at the funeral or cemetery so if she comes to your place or you go to her place then there is a very high probability that the relationship will be consummated.  Grief is fleeting so the window of opportunity for turning grief into sex is a limited one so too many talks at a restaurant i.e. dates may mean less sexual opportunity.  On the other hand, the common experience of the funeral, and you narrating her, very own, personal monomyth, is very powerful and may lead to a more serious relationship in the long run.

You can be a seven and get an eight via wedding crashing.  Generally you can only get a girl half a point higher than your own score under normal circumstances so wedding crashing has its advantages.  The party atmosphere of a wedding aids your stalking but ignores female psychology.  Funeral crashing is a more precise and more powerful type of stalking and a six might be able to get a nine as a wife using the techniques outlined in this essay!

According to John Gray in Venus and Mars on a Date, women go from emotional intimacy to sexual intimacy as opposed to men who go from sexual to emotional intimacy.  The funeral crashing system uses intense emotional intimacy to go towards sexual intimacy.  Extremely attractive women become inured to sexual advances and faux emotional approaches that are too general to be effective.  Extremely attractive women are being hit on all the time and making advances at a wedding gives you an only marginal advantage.  If you are average looking and want a nine, tens only exist in movies, then you will need an extra precise approach.  You need to be more intelligent and patient using the funeral crashing system than the wedding crashing system but the ultimate rewards make this system more worthwhile than wedding crashing.

One final cautionary note, if you find your future spouse via funeral crashing then you will probably find a mate that is considerably more attractive physically than you would have minus a stalking system.  Whatever you do never, ever, tell the primary target about your funeral crashing system.  Even if you are married thirty years then this has to be a deep dark secret you take to the grave if you want to stay married.

Hugh Fox III - Big Bright Bold

You can also download my autobiography of my struggle with a bipolar condition on  Am I Kitsune on my Google Drive.

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Do Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipedes make good pets?

Hugh Fox Giant Centipede 1

Do Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede (Scolopendra gigantea) make good pets? This is my story. I received Curly, the name of my centipede when I was fifteen in 1972 from my uncle Manuel.  My uncle had snuck the centipede past customs from Peru because he had a centipede of the same species given to him by his father, my grandfather, when he was around the same age as a pet and Manuel felt I was ready for this awesome responsibility.  Uncle Manuel said that if you could take care of a giant centipede then children and for that matter any task, was easy after that.  I have never had children period but perhaps this is true.

Their first few years with Curly were not easy.  I was bitten several times and had to be rushed to the hospital.  One of the more unpleasant aspects of being bit by Curly was the fact that your heart goes into cardiac arrest which makes your heart slow down to almost nothing and you feel like your soul is descending into the ground and even the underworld.  Fortunately, after the fifth or sixth bite, you develop some immunity to the venom.  You still feel like you are going to die but you at least have enough strength to inject the anti-venom serum into your heart without help and in a day or two you are just fine.

Luckily, Curly mellowed with age. After fifteen years of living together, Curly became a lot less aggressive towards me.  Curly also got a lot bigger!  A normal Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede is about a foot long but after fifteen years Curly was almost two feet long.  The Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede lives about five years in the wild and as long as ten years in captivity but if you give them our very secret Incan family recipe of herbs and spices then the centipedes can live a lot longer.

I cannot give the details of the recipe except to say Peru is bordered on one side by the Andes and the other side by the Amazon and because of this many botanical miracles can be found in Peru and nowhere else.  Some plants may not have even originated on our planet but may be deliberate hybrids between plants of different planets.  Shine an ultra violet lamp and shine that lamp on any jungle or field in the world, except Peru, then nothing will glow in the dark.  If you do the same experiment in Peru then you will become aware that some plants seem identical even using current DNA analysis to other plants but are in fact very different!

Actually no one in my family knows how long a centipede can live if they eat our special recipe.  Chulito, my uncle Manuel’s pet centipede, died when she was 55 years of age but only because she had wandered out into the street and been run over by a bus.  Chulito had grown to an amazing five feet in length and many a dog and cat disappearance, in the neighborhood my uncle lived in, was blamed on Chulito.

My uncle was always adamant that Chulito was innocent. My uncle claimed the stories of Chulito were lies by the communists who resented his Freemason connections. According to my uncle the communists said he had used his connections to stop the communists from erecting a statue of Karl Mark in the Park of the Exposition in Lima.

There was actually a great deal of eye witness testimony that the bus driver swerved in order to hit the centipede and had loudly said after the act that he had done what he had done in order to “matar el monstruo, matador de gatos y perros”, kill the monster, killer of cats and dogs.  Both criminal charges and a civil suit brought by my uncle against the bus driver failed because apparently centipedes are not protected under Peruvian law.

The funeral was dignified.  As the inheritor of the family tradition of the pet centipede, I of course asked for a leave of absence from my ESL teaching job in Houston and went to Lima to attend the funeral.  A coffin generally used for a dog was used.  My uncle had wanted to get a metal hermetically sealed steel coffin but my aunt had insisted that a wooden coffin was more than enough for a centipede.  The wooden coffin cost around fifty dollars.  The steel coffin would have cost almost two thousand dollars!

An informal, low key, pet cemetery on unconsecrated ground exists behind the Convento de San Francisco for Limeños of a certain social standing and Chulito was buried between a parrot that was famous for singing the national anthem of Peru albeit badly according to my aunt and a rooster that had been the fiercest fighter on the cock fighting circuit of Lima in the year of 1937.  The owner of the rooster had been an unabashed fascist and had named the rooster Mussolini.  The parrot was named José de la Torre Ugarte y Alarcón after the musician who had composed the Peruvian national anthem.  As a rule only pets of distinction above and beyond affection are given formal funerals in Lima.  I felt sad that Chulito had such a common name compared to her neighbors but I also felt glad she had such illustrious company.

A representative of the Museo Nacional Arqueología, Antropología e Historia Perú was in attendance and made one final appeal before the burial to donate the centipede body to the museum but offered very little in the way of money and instead appealed to my uncle’s sense of national honor.  In the year 2,006, a representative of Ripley’s Believe It or Not offered the fantastic sum of 10,000 dollars for the centipede body and the coffin was disinterred.

However, the wooden coffin fell into pieces as it was raised from the ground.  Mold, rot and insects had destroyed the coffin and the contents were beyond recognition.  My uncle cursed himself for not getting a better coffin for his old friend when he had the chance. The metal coffin would have cost two thousand dollars so an intact centipede body would have yielded a profit of eight thousand dollars.  After that day, whenever my aunt tried to make a point forcibly, my uncle would say, “Remember the wooden coffin of Chulito!”

The Chulito remark had the cumulative effect of causing my aunt Zoila to briefly consult a professor of psychology at San Marcos University that had been her classmate years earlier and was a psychoanalyst.  The problem is that the poor doctor could never quite understand that the centipede was an actual centipede rather than some opaque way of referring to my uncle’s penis. This led to my aunts often said observation that some of the stupidest people in the world are some of the most educated people in the world.  Later my aunt hopelessly tried to create some sort of theory that perhaps education in some ways caused stupidity.  However, my aunt was a very busy woman and always focused on keeping the house clean and the meals going since she was the nucleus of our extended family and theory did not feed children so her theory never got very far except in my own mind.

I later received a doctorate and read Malinowski.  I ultimately came to the conclusion that what is magic (nonsense that has societal sanction and passes for knowledge) and what is science (useful knowledge) is often known in hindsight.  I inherited the centipede from my uncle.  I inherited a suspicion of over-education from my aunt.  In both cases, I inherited a suspicion of theory.  I also came to the conclusion that just saying theory was useless was also useless.  Men form theories and that’s that.  I liked what Dewey had to say about theory.  You should reject particular theories but not the enterprise of theory building per se.  I have a theory of theories and its pragmatism.  You build new theories based on new evidence.

This murder/accident (?) that involved Chulito led to an ongoing feud between our family and the Ramdenk family of the bus driver.  The Ramdenks immigrated to Peru from Romania in the 1880’s and have always been in the business of group transport.  They started in the coach trade and moved into the bus trade later.   If you rode a bus in Lima in the last hundred years then your bus driver was probably some relative or crony of the Ramdenks.  There is an unusual strain of both albinism and dwarfism in Ramdenk gene pool so you are more likely to have an albino dwarf as your bus driver in Lima than in any other country in the world which I think adds to the local charm of Lima.

One Ramdenk did not want to be a bus driver and opened a Romanian restaurant in Lima in the 1960’s.  The restaurant failed a few years later due to a lack of interest in Romanian food in Lima. This particular Ramdenk committed suicide by eating gogoşi, a type of Romanian doughnut, mixed with opium.  Generally, this form of suicide was reserved for Romanian aristocracy.  This upstart form of suicide confirmed the suspicion among the Ramdenks that the fellow thought he was better than the family.  So the Romanian restaurateur became a cautionary tale to other Ramdenks who wanted to be more than bus drivers.  They say that if you walk in the area of the Hospital Almenara, where the Romanian restaurateur ultimately died, in Lima during a full moon then you will occasionally see an opiated albino ghost eating a donut muttering in Romanian.

The upshot of the feud is that members of my family in Lima do not ride on buses and walk much more than other Peruvians of their station.  The local truism is that because of all this walking, members of my family have enormous muscular legs and in fact the women in my family are known throughout Lima for having exceptionally shapely legs so perhaps something good did come out of the death of poor Chulito!

But I digress, as I stated previously, after about 15 years the Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede starts to mellow and stops trying to kill you.  My own explanation is that the brain of the centipede gets bigger and bigger brains mean smarter centipedes.  The centipede starts to realize you are a consistent source of food and in turn tries to protect you rather than try to kill you!  This is great on the few occasions a dog tries to bite you since a two foot centipede can take down even a German Sheppard with a single bite in under 30 seconds but unfortunately the Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede will attack any girl that tries to touch you much less kiss you.  This means that when you have girlfriends over then you need to make sure your centipede is safely locked up and this is not easy to do.

A two foot centipede will break the glass of most normal terrariums.  The two foot centipede will just ram the same area of the terrarium again and again.  The centipede prefers using a pebble but will use its own head if pebbles are not available.  This process may take weeks but centipedes are stubborn creatures.  I suppose learning how to use all those legs early on makes them stubborn.

What you really need is a terrarium made of toughened glass.  You will need to have this terrarium custom made since no one manufactures terrariums made of toughed glass normally.  Cages would be strong enough but a centipede can easily slip out of cages that a snake of the same size could not!  I would also suggest not letting your girlfriend, to be, know about your giant centipede until the relationship has matured.  Many women do not want to spend the night in an apartment that also houses a two foot centipede.  Fast forward!

Well its 2013 and Curly is 41!  Curly is almost three feet long and is still growing! Curly has been costly financially.  The costs include hospital visits due to bites, law suits related to missing cats and dogs, having to move constantly because of harassment from neighbors about Curly and the specialized terrariums.

Curly has also been costly in terms of relationships because I have never been lucky enough to find a woman that will accept a giant centipede as part of the romantic package.  I have tried again and again to make sure Curly stays in the terrarium but somehow Curly knows when there is a woman in the house and miraculously gets out of the best built terrarium and the woman invariably gets bit.

I now keep anti-venom in the fridge and am quite expert in injecting the anti-venom into the heart directly which means the lady in question is totally safe and will recover in a day or two but these incidents just about almost always lead to a break up and/or a law suit.  However, when Curly is cold then Curly will wrap himself around my neck and tickle my ears with his antennae affectionately and that’s when I know that I have made the right decision to keep Curly as a pet despite the costs!  I look into his big brown compound eyes and I see love!  Curly loves me and I love Curly and it’s just that simple.

So in conclusion, I think a Peruvian giant yellow-leg centipede can make a great pet!

Hugh Fox Giant Centipede 2

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You can also download my autobiography of my struggle with a bipolar condition on  Am I Kitsune on my Google Drive.

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