Tag Archives: Seinfeld

What if Date 3: Charlotte of “Sex and the City” dates George of “Seinfeld”.

Charlotte (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlotte_York) is set up for a blind date with George Costanza (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Costanza) by Elaine Benes of Seinfeld (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elaine_Benes).  George tells Charlotte that he will be wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap and a green jacket.  Charlotte spots George a block away and is shocked to see that George is so fat.  Charlotte calls George and explains how her cat has died, she has the flu, was in a car accident, whatever, and won’t be on their date or any date for quite a while.


Fast forward to fifty years in the future, George is on his death bed.  George became obsessed with figuring out who the heck Carrie was after Seinfeld died.  Charlotte was in Paris training Bulgarian gals how to be high class mistresses, not hookers, during the flood.  As Charlotte likes to tell her girls, “Any girl can give great sex but great sex and great manners and culture makes you the mistress not just another girlfriend.  Elaine has changed a lot since her younger days.  

She is thrice divorced is quite wealthy due to her divorce settlements and even wealthier due to her particular type of “charm” school. Charlotte now considers love to be a weakness that should be exploited by women since men are total jerks.  She arrives at the last minute.  Charlotte has heard about how George has been trying to find out about Carrie through mutual third parties.  Charlotte feels guilty about the blind date and figure she can now erase that particular sin. 

Charlotte tells George the whole convoluted story as she heard it from Carrie before she died.  George asks Charlotte if she will grant a dying man a final request. Elaine agrees.  George asks for a kiss.  Charlotte slaps George and storms out of the apartment.  George dies and goes to a special limbo for neurotics who aren’t really evil but will drive the rest of the inhabitant’s nuts if allowed into heaven eternally.

WereVerse Universe Baby!

What if Date 2: Carrie of “Sex and the City” dates Seinfeld.

Jerry Seinfeld (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Seinfeld_%28character%29) rarely reads any part of the newspaper but the funnies but happens to flip past Carrie’s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrie_Bradshaw) column and finds it hilarious.  He then sees her picture on the side of a bus in New York and thinks pretty and funny!  Seinfeld asks Elaine, with her many contacts in the New York publishing scene, to get Carries number.  Turns out that Elaine is friends with Carrie and thinks they would be a good couple.  Carrie and Seinfeld meet in an upscale restaurant in upper Manhattan.  They make fun of all the patrons in the restaurant and then proceed to make fun of all the dishes as well.  They take a stroll through Central Park and Carrie takes out a cigarette and lights up.  Seinfeld cuts the date short.  The idea of kissing the mouth of a smoker sickens him.  Seinfeld never calls Carrie again.  Carrie obsesses about Seinfeld for about a week before moving onto a new boy toy.  She consoles herself with the thought that he really wasn’t all that good looking even if he was funny. 


Fast forward to forty years in the future, Seinfeld is on his death bed.  Kramer mentions that he has taken up smoking again because there are these new cigarettes that are totally safe and he is going to make a mint selling them.  Seinfeld thinks of Carrie the smoker and says “Carrie” before he dies.  At the funeral none of the remaining gang can figure out who the heck Carrie was.  Elaine can’t help the gang figure out who Carrie is since she drowned in the Great New York Flood of 2020 due to the melting polar ice caps.  Ironically, Carrie died in the same flood trying to save her shoes from getting wet rather than going to shelter.

WereVerse Universe Baby!