How to Create a Relationship Timeline

A relationship timeline is a timeline of your relationship with someone you love.  This is the age of Facebook, and with the advent of their Timeline interface, interest in timelines in general and relationship timelines in particular are at an all time high.  Relationship timelines take a lot of time but make a great valentine or anniversary gift for the one you love.  This is a unique gift that is super romantic!

A) Gather Data

This is the hardest part!  You need to find out information about the important events in your relationship.  At the risk of sounding sexist, this is fairly easy for women but incredibly difficult for men.  Most women will get suspicious of a man suddenly asking all sorts of questions about their relationship history and information about dates in particular.  I enlisted the help of my sister who was in on the plot.  If you don’t have a sister then good luck men!  Below is a list of some common relationship events:

1) First meeting

2) First date

3) First fight

4) First sleepover

5) First place together

6) First weekend together

7) First meeting of his parents

8) First meeting of her parents

9) First meeting of his friends

10) First meeting of her friends

11) First break up

12) Going steady

13) Date of engagement

14) Date of marriage

15) Honeymoon

16) Children

17) Wedding anniversaries

B) Select Software. 

Most online timelines you to share the time line on the web but do not allow you to save the timeline as a graphic file!  Good luck handing your lover a computer screen. Also, the graphic capabilities of these online programs are paltry!

Timeline from ReadWriteThink allows the timeline to be printed but not saved as a graphic file.  Timetoast can only be shared online and your timeline cannot even be printed!  Tiki Toki, Timeglider have the same limitations as Timetoast.  These are the good online programs!  Precenden only allows five events and this is after you sign up!  Time Line Maker only allows six to nine events and again the timeline generated cannot be saved as a graphic file! Timeline Maker only can generates an html code rather than a graphic file.  WhenInTime generates a timeline that also can only be seen online!  Thinkport adds the indignity of a password to your project that is “saved”, well online and on their site!  I guess their definition of saved and mine is very different.  OurTimeLines.com allows you to print but not save but hooks up to all sorts of historical data!  I suppose you could scan the page printed.  So if you are doing a historical report great but not so great for a relationship timeline.  Timeline Generator creates a fantasy kingdom timeline, hmmm not sure how that works for a relationship timeline!

I would recommend using JGraph instead! JGraph has tons and tons of icons that are designed for industry purposes but can easily represent events in your relationship and add a cutesy dimension to your timeline and since you can save the timeline generated as a jpeg or png, this means you can add pictures or other touches to the timeline.

Plain old Microsoft Word can make a pretty good timeline and is worth considering by less computer savvy types and the YouTube below takes you through the process step by step:

C) Horizontal or Vertical Timeline?

A horizontal timeline is more impressive looking graphically and is more of what people think when they think of a timeline.  A horizontal timeline is also harder to make technically.  Some horizontal timeline examples:

Vertical timelines work better than horizontal timelines, if your timeline is wordy.  Some vertical timeline examples:

Mickey and Minnie Relationship Timeline

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Is the Bermuda Triangle of the Twilight Zone a normal place?

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Interview with the Phantom Zone Cats

When I was nine I was haunted by one great injustice.  I could not understand the plight of the Phantom Zone cats.

Superboy (v1, #136, pg. 22)

In Superboy (v1, #136, pg. 22), shown above, I discovered cats had been exiled to the Phantom Zone.  Why would innocent cats be exiled with their evil owners?  Plus Kryptonians gained super powers such as super intelligence due to being under a yellow sun.  This is why Krypto could use human language.  The dog equivalent of super intelligence raised Krypto’s intelligence to more or less that of a human three year old.  How could Kryptonian cats in the Phantom Zone, minus a yellow sun, talk?

I also had splitting headaches when I was nine and could feel strange eyes burning into my back but whenever I turned around, there was nothing to be seen.  Finally, my parents told me that if talked about the Phantom Zone cats even one more time I was going to be in big trouble and I decided that I needed to move on.

Recently the story of the Phantom Zone cats has resurfaced in Attack of the Invisible Cats (DC Super-Pets).  In this version the so called Phanty-Cats have escaped from the Phantom Zone and are feline felons.

For the past week I have had strange dreams of running after mice with giant green ears in fields of purple grass under a red sun.  These dreams are strange even by my standards!  Last night I awoke around 2:22 am and was startled to see three spectral cats floating above my bed.

The first cat said, “I am the cat of Christmas past!”

The second cat said, “I am the cat of Christmas present!”

The third cat said, “I am the cat of Christmas future!”

The first cat talked again and said “Just kidding we are the Phantom Zone cats and we have traveled across space, time and the metaverse to allow you to interview us.

I said, “Metaverse?  You are from the Internet?”

The first cat continued, “Not that metaverse.   Metaverse as in metafiction.  We tried to contact you when you were nine but your brain was too immature to receive our telepathic transmissions but now you are ready.”

I stammered, “Wh-, wh-, why me?”

The first cat said, “Well you are one of the prophets of the metaverse, the metafiction one not the internet one, but mostly, we love your blog!”

I responded, “Well I can believe that.  Cats love my blog! (http://atomic-temporary-3328128.wpcomstaging.com/2012/01/15/why-do-cats-love-my-blog/ )

The first cat had a bit of a mane and said “I am Tu-Ul and my human was Faora Hu-Ul.  This is Zin-Zod the cat of General Dru-Zod.

Zin-Zod nodded at the last cat and said “The ugly one is Tor-Ur of the house of Jax-Ur.”

Tor-Ur hissed at Zin-Zod and leaped at Zin-Zod but went right through the Zin-Zod.

Tor-Ur, “I hate being a phantom!  If I was solid for ten seconds I would tear your throat out!”

Zin-Zod, “If you were solid for ten seconds then I would still be phantom and you would still go right through me you dumb kitty!”

Tor-Ur, “I hate you! I hate you!  Hell is a cat in the Phantom Zone named Zin-Zod!

Hell is a cat in the Phantom Zone named Zin-Zod!

Zin-Zod, “I thank you for the compliment!”

Tul-Ul looked at the other two cats with a bored expression and said, “My human Faora is a beautiful Kryptonian who killed 23 men with her bare hands.  She is a master of Horu-Kanu that utilizes pressure points with deadly effect. I will beam an image of her into your mind telepathically.”

I said, “Faora looks just like Sarah Palin!”

Tul-Ul, “We did notice that.  Coincidence I am sure.  The human of Zin-Zod, General Zod created an army of prototype Bizzaros to take over Krypton.  The human of Tor-Ur, Jax-Ur, was building nuclear missiles in order to take over Krypton but accidentally destroyed one of Krypton’s moons along with 500 colonists during a test. We want to explain why we are in the Phantom Zone.”

I asked, “So, why are you in the Phantom Zone?”

Tul-Ul, “Cats on Krypton had been genetically enhanced and were intelligent and could talk unlike cats on Earth and dogs on Krypto.  We honor humans for giving us the gift of consciousness and true free will.  We asked the Kryptonian Science Council to send us to the Phantom Zone even though we had committed no crime.  It was our choice!”

I said, “Your choice?”

Tul-Ul, “Our humans are evil and we acknowledge that and pray to Rao for his forgiveness of their sins but we are still bonded.  Our humans even honor us with their house name unlike cats on Earth.  The bond between cat and human in Krypton is one of the most sacred of Krypton and we would not break that bond even if our humans must travel a strange road.”

“Maybe I drank too much coffee before going to bed or maybe I have some sort of flu.  No way am I talking to you!”, I said.

Tul-Ul, “We are real!”.  Tul-Ul’s head grew to the size of a car tire.

I said, “Ok, ok, you are real.  So what’s it like to be a cat in the Phantom Zone”

Tul-Ul, “Different cats adjust differently.  Cats on Krypton rarely reach the age of twenty Earth years and I have already lived almost a hundred years so I am philosophical and think my state beats the alternative.”

Zin-Zod, “Mostly I miss the mice. We can look at mice all we want.  We can see mice on a thousand worlds no less, but we cannot touch the mice and that’s just torture.  Oh what I would give to render a mouse limb from tiny limb!”

Tor-Ur, “You kitty cats have gone crazy in the zone.  The place is torture.  Give me sweet oblivion.  Maybe if Zid-Zod wasn’t around, then the zone could be bearable but to be tortured by Zid-Zod every minute makes it so much worse.”

Zin-Zod, “I was just thinking the opposite.  The zone is bearable because I have you to tease.”

Tor-Ur, “Tease, you mean torture!”

Zin-Zod, “You know I love you for all my teasing!”

And that is when I noticed that Zin-Zod was female cat and Tor-Ur was a male cat.  Zin-Zod licked Tor-Ur’s ear affectionately and Tor-Ur purred loudly.  The cats did other things that decorum does not allow description.

Tul-Ul, “Anyway, we just want the humans of this Earth to know that our stay in the Phantom Zone was not an injustice but a choice and that the Kryptonians were a noble race and the universe is poorer without them.”

In exasperation, I said, “Ok I can understand why you would want to hurt Superboy since his dad created the Phantom Zone Projector but why did you try to hurt Krypto if you aren’t evil?”

Tul-Ul, “A cat trying to hurt a dog is not evil but nature.  A cat trying to hurt a dog whose human is Superboy, whose father created the ray that sent our humans to the Phantom Zone, is justice!”

With that the cats faded into the blackness of the night as though they had never existed.

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Batman Family vs. Superman Family

Bat-Mite and Mister Mxyzptlk are having yet another argument about who is better, Batman or Superman?

Bat-Mite states “Well you have to admit Batman has more interesting enemies”.

Mister Mxyzptlk responds, “Ok I will give you that.  I am practically the only enemy supes has who has any style and I have to admit I like the Jokers moves.  Man and that Catwoman, meowr! However, Superman has a better family”.

Bat-Mite, “Family?”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Family is something the four dimensional observers created.  The supporting cast but the really close supporting cast.  The family is the opposite of the enemies but not just allies like the Justice League.  It was a big Silver Age concept.  Kind of soap opera meets superhero story.  Oh and for the record we are both family members.  You are part of the Batman family.  I am part of the Superman family.

Bat-Mite, “Well I am friend of Batman but you are an enemy of Superman so you shouldn’t be part of his family.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “You know and I know I am so powerful that if I didn’t like supes then I could just clobber the guy.  I just think supes gets bored and needs some mischief to stay sharp and Kurt Swan agrees. See I am in his picture of the Superman family.

Bat-Mite studies the picture and states, “Well if a creator says you are part of the Superman family then you are part of the Superman family.”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “I found this Bob Kane picture in my interdimensional library and the Batman family is a lot smaller in this picture but let’s go with the creators idea of the families.  How about a contest between the two families but matched by category and of course the Silver age versions since it’s a Silver age idea?

Bat-Mite: “Ok!”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Let’s start with the female version of the superheroes: Supergirl vs. Bat-Woman but I think a fight would be too boring.  Supergirl is almost as powerful as Superman and Bat-Woman is not as smart as Batman so no way she carries around kryptonite in her utility belt just in case like Batman.  How about a kissing contest!

Bat-Mite: “Oh that would be great!”

Mister Mxyzptlk causes Supergirl and Bat-Woman to appear in a stupor but with their sex appeal intact.  Supergirl kisses both Bat-Mite and Mister Mxyzptlk and then Bat-Woman does the same.  Bat-Mite faints after the kiss from Bat-Woman.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Man that Batwoman is one hot chick.  Maybe Supergirl will season with age but Bat-Woman has my vote.”

Bat-Mite, “I am in love with Bat-Woman.  I was her publicity agent in Batman #133.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “I almost married Supergirl in Action #291.  The families were practically incestous back in the Silver age.”

Bat-Mite, “Bat-Woman never interacted with Supergirl in the Silver age.  However, since then there have been endless Supergirl/Batgirl team ups and below is the earliest one which is from the tail end of the Silver age.”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Have you noticed how we met in the World’s Finest Comics #113 and 13 is a magic number and we are magic beings?  Now let me point out that the girls meet in World’s Finest Comics #169!  And we all know about girls and that number.  Tell me this is all a coincidence!  Ok next up the sidekicks, Jimmy Olsen versus Robin.

Mister Mxyzptlk causes Jimmy Olsen and Robin to appear in a stupor and get into a fight. Robin wins in less than ten seconds with one punch.  The imps then try contest after contest and Jimmy Olsen loses to Robin in chess, hula hopping and even tiddlywinks.  The imps scratch their heads to find something Jimmy Olsen can beat the boy wonder at and try more and more contests but finally give up since Jimmy just keeps losing and losing. Finally in desperation they try a drag queen contest and Jimmy Olsen wins handily.  They are both sent away minus any memory of the incident.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Robin has hotter legs but Jimmy was the better package overall! ”

Bat-Mite,  “You know I have been reviewing the 5th dimensional database and Jimmy has gone in drag in Jimmy Olsen #67, Jimmy Olsen #84, Jimmy Olsen #95, Jimmy Olsen #159,  and All-Star Superman #4! Maybe Fredric Wertham was on to something.  Can you imagine, Robin was once stupid enough to team up with that loser Jimmy Olsen in World’s Finest Comics #141!”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Ok battle of the father figures. Perry White vs. Commissioner Gordon.  You know they once were turned evil by smelling a spilt formula and teamed up against Batman and Superman in World’s Finest Comics #159.  Boy those Silver age stories got pretty crazy!”

Mister Mxyzptlk causes Perry White and Commissioner Gordon to show up in a mind control stupor and fight it out.  Gordon pulls out his police special .38 and shoots Perry White cleanly between the eyes”

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Oops! Well fortunately five dimensional beings can easily fix such messiness. Ok battle of the dogs.  Incredibly the Bat-Hound and Krypto never had any solo adventures in the Silver age but boy once Krypto got his own animated series in 2005 the Silver age super-pets like Bat-Hound came out of the woodwork.  A really good article about super pets by a surprisingly smart 4-D being is at http://atomic-temporary-3328128.wpcomstaging.com/2010/01/20/dc-vs-marvel-battle-of-the-super-pets/ ”

Mister Mxyzptlk summons Krypto the Super-Dog and Ace the Bat-Hound and they are each given the illusion the other is a cat on the attack.  Krypto tears Bat-Hounds head off.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Well I guess Krypto wins that round.  I will reattach poor Bat-Hounds head later.  Batman has a smaller family than Superman and all Batman has left is Alfred and Batgirl.  Batgirl was like in three issues and her appearance in the Bob Kane picture is a historical fluke.  Alfred is not a sidekick like Robin but a partner.  Does Superman even have any close partners besides Batman?

Bat-Mite, “I got it.  Batman doesn’t really have a girlfriend like Lois Lane.  I mean Vicki Vale never even got one solo story and Lois Lane got her very own comic book.  I would argue that Lois Lane is more than just a girlfriend but a partner in that she helps Superman fight crime when not trying to uncover his secret identity.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “Hmmmm, Lois Lane versus Alfred the Butler?  It’s not as clean as the other contests but I don’t see as we have much choice.

Mister Mxyzptlk summons Alfred and Lois Lane and a vicious fight ensues.  Lois Lane knows the Kryptonian martial art of Klurkor.  Alfred has combat experience in the trenches of WW I and is a boxer.  Lois Lane is a woman and not as strong as Alfred but Alfred is a lot older and not as quick as Lois.  Both have heart and guts!  The fight lasts for hours.  Blood flows freely and the imps are transfixed by the sheer brutality of the fight.  Lois delivers amazing kicks but is matched almost blow by blow by Alfred’s powerful roundhouses and jabs.  Both Lois and Alfred have had to be taken seriously by the likes of Superman and Batman and they did this by having courage and most of all never ever giving up.  Alfred clutches his heart and dies of a heart attack.  Bat-Mite and Mister Mxyzptlk look at each other guiltily.

Mister Mxyzptlk, “I think this was a really, really, really bad idea and I think we should erase this entire event from this continuity.

Bat-Mite:  “I whole heartedly agree”

Both imps disappear to go wherever imps go to forget their guilty deeds.  Vegas!

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Comic Book Review: The Stalker

This is a review of the brand new comic book The Stalker.  The writer is Bradley Potts, a newcomer and the seasoned artist, Trevor Von EEden (http://www.trevorvoneeden.com/).  Von Eeden has done art for various DC titles including Black Lightning, Batman, Green Arrow, and Black Canary.  The Stalker is published by Gateway Comics(http://www.gatewaycomicsonline.com/).

The Stalker is a story of vengeance but with an interesting twist.  The Stalker is female and has been the sidekick of the Defender for years.  Her mother had been the Stalker with the Defender before being murdered.  In this first issue the new Stalker decides that in order to avenge the death of her mother, she must break out on her own.  Generally comic books do not spend a lot of time on back story in the first issue but Potts does. This makes the characters more multidimensional and interesting than is usual for comic books.  The Stalker inhabits a complex universe.

The art has some unique features.  There are a high number of panels per page and I am sure this is a deliberate effect from an experienced artist like Von Eeden.  This dense panel format gives the reader a sense of walking through a labyrinth and this effect matches the narrative of the story nicely.  The use of borderline monochromatic coloring in certain pages and certain collections of panels adds to the visual drama of the comic book.

The Stalker 2

There is an almost Tarantinoesque quality to the street scenes.  The action scenes are dramatic.  The Stalker is portrayed visually as having a balletic fighting style that is in contrast to the more brutal fighting style of the men in this universe.  This is a gritty street level universe that Batman and Black Canary would understand and Von Eeden’s prior work with those titles shows.  Overall, The Stalker is a good read and I looked forward to the next issue of the plot arc Donning the Mask that has started with issue #1.

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I am sooooo sad!

(~_~;)

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Online Gibberish Generators

Corporate Gibberish Generator

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Cat Love Means

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Why do cats travel?

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Dog and Fish

A puppy living on a boat in Koh Samet gets very excited by fish dumped on the hull and in their death throes.

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