Lone Ranger vs. Jessy Wales – Josey Wales(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Outlaw_Josey_Wales) carries like fifty hand guns! The Lone Ranger keeps shooting guns out of the hands of Josey but he just keeps pulling out more guns until he riddles the Lone Ranger.
Lone Ranger vs. Marshall Matt Dillon – Matt Dillon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshal_Matt_Dillon) gives the Lone Ranger a big smile. The Lone Ranger smiles back. Onlookers are blinded by the brilliance of their smiles and if sun glasses had been invented they would surely put them on. They end up having beer at the saloon and swap law man stories and Miss Kitty wonders what the Lone Ranger looks like under his mask.
Lone Ranger vs. Zorro – The Lone Ranger used to be a Texas Ranger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lone_Ranger). The Texas Rangers were in the past used to keep the Mexicans down and were called los Diablos Tejanos (Texas Devils) by the Mexicans. This is no longer the case, well I hope it is no longer the case, but this is a side of Texas history that must be acknowledged. The Lone Ranger has no patience with uppity Latinos. Zorro pulls out his sword and the Lone Ranger says sarcastically, “Heh, isn’t that just like a wetback. Brings a sword to a gun fight!” and shoots Zorro dead. No, no, no! Ten points if you can figure out what movie I parodied the line from. Answer at the bottom of this post.
The Lone Ranger is not an actual ex- Texas Ranger of that time but a sanitized version of the Wild, Wild West. The Lone Ranger senses that despite Zorro’s swarthy looks, the fact that he is wearing black, and bad guys always wear black, is wanted by the Mexican authorities and wearing a mask, is in fact a good guy. Tonto later becomes upset when Zorro explains that Tonto means stupid in Spanish and leaves the Lone Ranger. Zorro replaces Tonto as a partner of the Lone Ranger and the show emphasizes Anglo/Hispanic unity and the evil word wetback is never ever used. Disney makes like a zillion dollars from this idea and this humble blogger doesn’t even get a free 3-Day Disney pass.
Lone Ranger vs. Jonah Hex – Jonah Hex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Hex) kills the Lone Ranger no problem. Jonah Hex is the ultimate Western survivor and he doesn’t take prisioners! I write about Jonah Hex in another post as well (http://foxhugh.com/2009/02/13/dc-vs-marvel-western-heroes/)
WereVerse Universe Baby!
