Tag Archives: fanfiction

DC vs. Valiant Universe 1: Archer & Armstrong vs. Batman & Robin

The top hero and sidekick teams of the two universes are pitted against each other.  In the Valiant case, the hero is the immortal Armstrong (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archer_and_Armstrong) but he often acts like petulant child compared to his teenage partner.  Archer is the sidekick but the relationship between Archer and Armstrong is much more complex than the relatively simple Batman and Robin one.  Batman is the omniscient father figure and leader to Robin’s apprentice role.  In many ways Archer is more mature than Armstrong despite his youth and perhaps is not really a sidekick after all.  Archer’s name is after all first in the title and perhaps not just due to alphabetical conventions.  Archer and Armstrong represent the postmodern parent/child relationship were the child often has to take care of the parent with addictions and/or human frailties.  Did I mention that Armstrong is a lush?  This was by far the strongest title in the Valiant line and had a great deal of black humor and irony in the title.  Irony is a rare commodity in comic books.

 

Armstrong, as mentioned, is immortal and thousands of years old. Armstrong has super human regeneration but nowhere near Wolverine levels.  Armstrong is freakishly strong but not Spiderman strong. I would say slightly over the limit of a human at peak performance.  Armstrong is also a lover not a fighter as opposed to his elder brother, the Eternal Warrior. Armstrong will not seek out evil as he has made clear to his older brother. 

 

Fortunately for the reader, evil seeks him out mostly in the form of a conspiratorial sect that sees him as a sort of Anti-Christ while the leadership of the organization has figured out that actually killing Armstrong removes the organizations reason for being and try to make a deal with Armstrong and Armstrong is not totally opposed to the idea. Complex motivations of this sort for both hero and villain are very rare in comic books, unfortunately.

 

Batman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batman) not be as strong as Armstrong but he’s a fighter not a lover although he pretends otherwise as Bruce Wayne.  I might add that Armstrong would probably know about Batman’s rep and might very well run away!  We have to assume that for this fight to even happen both fighters live in a common universe.  Anyway this is the assumption I will make in all “What if fights” since the whole how they meet write up via interdimensional travel is repetitive and tiresome.  Armstrong hasn’t survived for thousands of years by making futile last stands.  For a big guy, Armstrong has proven himself very adept at running away in the past but Batman is a master tracker and always, always gets his man.  might

 

There are probably a dozen ways Batman can take out Armstrong.  Perhaps Batman tosses a batarang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batarang) to the head of Armstrong.  Batman could also toss a vial of knockout gas from his utility belt.   Defeating stronger but less skilled fighters is kind of Batman’s trademark, the Blockbuster comes to mind, but how will Batman fare against Armstrong’s older brother, the Eternal Warrior?  What about the battle between the sidekicks?

 

Archer has a type photographic memory that is sometimes referred to as photographic reflexes, like the current Batgirl (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_Cain) and Marvel’s Taskmaster (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taskmaster).  If Armstrong sees a martial arts move, or any movement actually, he can mimic that move instantly and perfectly.  This is a major super power.  I would put it in the top ten of super powers.  Persons with this power can take on the likes of Batman, as Batgirl does, and Spiderman, as the Taskmaster does, much less sidekicks. 

 

Personally I have never understood why the characters with this power don’t take up golf.  Golf requires almost zero fitness as opposed to martial arts and is far more lucrative than being a crime fighter and a lot less risky than being a super villain.  The Taskmaster opened a school to teach villians.  Why oh why did he not become a sports trainer to sports super stars.  I am sure the likes of Michael Jordan have deeper pockets than the villians and such activity does not put you on a collision course with the Avengers as his henchmen school did.

 

Batman finishes off Armstrong and arrives just in time to see Armstrong take out Robin with a perfect sequence of kung fu moves.  Batman observes the action and realizes exactly what power Armstrong has and takes him out with one of his many toys from a distance.  Batman is a strategic thinker and you don’t close in on fighters with this particular power.  Armstrong has fought skilled martial artists but not one with the plethora of toys Batman has and has no memorized moves to fall back on. Anyway, how do you memorize a move to counter knock out gas anyway without a gas mask? 

 

That’s why the Taskmaster carries his own set of toys including a duplicate of Captain America’s shield and Hawkeyes bow and arrow, the Black Knights sword, etc.  Armstrong with a shield could throw the shield to knock the vial back at Batman or use an arrow to shatter the vial before the vial came to near to be effective.  Archer might even be able to use the sword to swat the vial or batarang or whatever away.  Hey, wait a second! Archer often carries a hand held cross-bow.  Archer shoots the vial of knock out gas in mid flight and then is conked by a batarang before he can reload.  This is why an assault rifle with an extended clip is preferable to a hand held cross-bow.

 

An alternative ending is that Batman looks at Robins sorry a** , this is a PG blog, kids after all still read comic books, thank you, on the floor and offers Archer a job as a side kick.  Archer might very well accept.  Did I mention Armstrong is a lush? Besides that, Archer is a consummate martial artist and Batman is the foremost teacher of the martial arts while Armstrong has nothing to teach Archer in this area.

 

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

WereVerse Universe Baby!

Star Trek vs. Star Wars

If there was a war between the Star Trek galaxy vs. the Star Wars galaxy then who would win? 

 

Funniest site!  And you must check it out even if you don’t care about the debate all that much.

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/

 

Most technical site

http://www.st-v-sw.net/

 

Most comprehensive site

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek_versus_Star_Wars

 

Easiest to understand site and the one that leads me to believe that even putting aside the Republic or Empire encompasses thousands of world vs. the 180 worlds of the Federation the Star Wars guys would win with equal numbers.  There weapons are just too powerful. 

 

I do think the fundamental way the debate is framed generally Empire vs. Federation is not the best way to frame the debate due to the total inequality of numbers.  The Empire is bigger than the Federation by at least a factor of ten.  Now if you assume all the Star Trek empires unite including the Klingons, Cardassians, Romulans and even the Dominion you still have a huge numerical disparity since as far as I can tell this would be hundreds of worlds but not thousands of world.  But if the Borg unite with all the other empires then you have a different picture.  One Borg cube can take out a fleet and who the heck knows how many cubes there are.  The Borg did unite with Voyager against a common threat so this possibility has already been established.

 

And…..

 

There are Elder Races in the Star Trek universe that have powers far beyond that of the Empire/Republic or Federation. The Q might be able to shrink a whole fleet of Star Ships to the size of fleas. 

 

 I am more a Star Trek fan and disappointed but “facts are facts” and even given equal numbers Star Trek is in trouble.

 

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Essays/FiveMinutes.html

 

Which franchise is more successful in the real world?

http://www.forbes.com/technology/2005/05/16/cx_de_0516match.html

WereVerse Universe Baby!

King Kong vs. Titano

Battle of the Giant Apes

There is no preparation.

Both opponents have been suddenly teleported to a gladiatorial amphitheater surrounded by a force field.

King Kong vs.  Titano

Titano is a giant ape with Kryptonite vision that used to battle Superman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titano).

WereVerse Universe Baby!

The Lone Ranger vs. other Fictional Gun Slingers

Lone Ranger vs. Jessy Wales – Josey Wales(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Outlaw_Josey_Wales) carries like fifty hand guns!  The Lone Ranger keeps shooting guns out of the hands of Josey but he just keeps pulling out more guns until he riddles the Lone Ranger. 

Lone Ranger vs. Marshall Matt Dillon – Matt Dillon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshal_Matt_Dillon) gives the Lone Ranger a big smile.  The Lone Ranger smiles back.  Onlookers are blinded by the brilliance of their smiles and if sun glasses had been invented they would surely put them on.  They end up having beer at the saloon and swap law man stories and Miss Kitty wonders what the Lone Ranger looks like under his mask.

Lone Ranger vs. Zorro – The Lone Ranger used to be a Texas Ranger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lone_Ranger).  The Texas Rangers were in the past used to keep the Mexicans down and were called los Diablos Tejanos (Texas Devils) by the Mexicans.  This is no longer the case, well I hope it is no longer the case, but this is a side of Texas history that must be acknowledged.  The Lone Ranger has no patience with uppity Latinos.  Zorro pulls out his sword and the Lone Ranger says sarcastically, “Heh, isn’t that just like a wetback. Brings a sword to a gun fight!” and shoots Zorro dead.  No, no, no!  Ten points if you can figure out what movie I parodied the line from.  Answer at the bottom of this post.

 

The Lone Ranger is not an actual ex- Texas Ranger of that time but a sanitized version of the Wild, Wild West.  The Lone Ranger senses that despite Zorro’s swarthy looks, the fact that he is wearing black, and bad guys always wear black, is wanted by the Mexican authorities and wearing a mask, is in fact a good guy.  Tonto later becomes upset when Zorro explains that Tonto means stupid in Spanish and leaves the Lone Ranger.  Zorro replaces Tonto as a partner of the Lone Ranger and the show emphasizes Anglo/Hispanic unity and the evil word wetback is never ever used.  Disney makes like a zillion dollars from this idea and this humble blogger doesn’t even get a free 3-Day Disney pass.

 

Lone Ranger vs. Jonah Hex – Jonah Hex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Hex) kills the Lone Ranger no problem.  Jonah Hex is the ultimate Western survivor and he doesn’t take prisioners!  I write about Jonah Hex in another post as  well (https://foxhugh.wordpress.com/2009/02/13/dc-vs-marvel-western-heroes/)

 

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