Tag Archives: Beppo

DC vs. Marvel: Fourth Wall Heroes

 

I want to welcome Animal Man (DC) and She-Hulk (Marvel) to my humble blog.  What many comic book readers may not be aware of is that both characters share a very unique super power.  Animal Man and the She-Hulk possess metafictional awareness.  They are aware of the fact that they are comic book heroes and that they inhabit a comic book reality and from time to time have broken the fourth wall that separates reader from fiction.

Hugh Fox: Let me start with the She-Hulk.  What’s it like knowing you are a comic book character?

She Hulk: First of all I didn’t always know I am a comic book character.  I first possessed metafictional awareness during the run of the Sensational She-Hulk by John Byrne.  That was a blast.  I got into arguments with John.  I could tear up the page.  I could walk through advertisements.  I could even make appeals to John’s Editor, Renee Wittstaetter. She even bound and gagged John and locked him in a storage closet in the issue #50 which unfortunately was also the last issue.  I did not have metafictional awareness prior to this series.  When I acquired metafictional awareness I read my earliest title run the Savage She-Hulk and can’t help but think what a dope I was back then and for the record I am not drawn very well and the plots aren’t very good either. The creators of the Savage She-Hulk also neglected my potential sexiness.  Come on I can be really hot. John was great and I thank him for making me a sexier character and a more aware character than I had been previously. There are some good points about the Savage She-Hulk.  I am proud to point out that I was the last Marvel creation of Stan Lee perhaps the greatest comic book creator ever.  Stan Lee was assisted in my creation by John Buscema.

Hugh Fox: You have had metafictional awareness in recent years as well as I recall.

She Hulk: This happened years after the cancellation of John’s run.  In 2004 the series titled simply She-Hulk was launched and I kept my metafictional awareness in that series which I am sad to say came to an end in 2009.  I would like to make a plug for the graphic novels that collect my adventures of that run.  The first volume is titled Single Green Female, the second volume is Superhuman Law, and the third volume is titled Time Trials.  I especially liked how I could go to the long boxes in that series and get answers to problems.

Hugh Fox: I am not sure I know what you are referring to. 

She Hulk: The law firm I worked for had long boxes of every Marvel comic book ever published and the boxes basically acted as a database I could use.

Hugh Fox: Knowledge is power!

She Hulk: You better believe it.  I could also use other long boxes due to my metafictional awareness.  Let me give you one example. I visited NYC Comics and found the key to defeating Titania who had potentially infinite super strength at the time.  Titania was wearing a really hot dominatrix type outfit at the time that really showed of her legs which I have to admit are pretty good.  Great cat fight by the way.  I even had my Jupiter suit torn to shreds by Titania in that fight.  Fortunately, I was wearing a sexy white and purple Lycra gym suit underneath.  I am amazed that series got cancelled since you would assume guys who buy comic books would love a good cat fight.  I mean sex sells doesn’t it?

Hugh Fox: Are you saying you don’t mind being a comic book sex object?

She Hulk: I like being alive and if some sex is needed to keep me alive then so be it but I am so much more than just a sex object.  My overt sexuality is just one side of my character.  I see myself as kind of a Sex in the City character in the Marvel Comics New York.  My career as a lawyer for super humans was a major plot line in my last series and I had very complex soap opera type relationships.  I mean my poor cousin the Hulk just runs around smashing stuff and has dialogue like “Me Hulk, me smash puny humans”.  Ninety percent of the time he is running around in the same torn purple pants.  I mean who ever heard of purple pants for a man?  I mean it’s a great color for a woman but a man?  They gave a similar torn type wardrobe in the cover of issue one of the Savage Hulk series which did nothing for my figure but in the later series I got to wear all sorts of great corporate but sexy outfits as a lawyer.  My superhero outfits were great as well.

I especially liked my form fitting lycra Fantastic Four uniform.  I didn’t care for the Jupiter Suit that I mentioned which was more a space suit than anything else even though I did get to change the color from yellow and green to white and purple, my trademark colors but of course the Jupiter suit only existed to be torn away later in my fight with Titania.

Hugh Fox: You are pretty quiet Animal Man.  What are your thoughts about having metafictional awareness? 

Animal Man: I am glad someone enjoyed having metafictional awareness!  My own experience has been very different that of the She-Hulk and quite terrible.  Like the She-Hulk, I did not have metafictional awareness during my early years.  I first appeared in Strange Adventures in 1965!  That makes me a lot older than the She-Hulk and for the first twenty years of my existence I was a third tier super hero with no metafictional awareness whatsoever and wandered in and out of comic book limbo.

Hugh Fox: Comic book limbo?

Animal Man: I don’t know how it works in the Marvel universe but in the DC universe when your series is cancelled, and you don’t make any guest appearances in other titles then you end up in comic book limbo.  Kind of where the forgotten super heroes go.  At least that is the way the place was explained to me by Merry Man of the Inferior Five who was an inhabitant of comic book limbo when I visited the place.  Now this brings up a paradox.  If he is in a comic book explaining comic book limbo then he is an active super hero and should not be in comic book limbo.

Hugh Fox: I get what you are saying.  The Inferior Five were very much inactive superheroes that were totally wiped out during the crisis of infinite Earths but yeah their appearance in a current comic book means they are once more part of the DC continuity.  But if you take this logic to its extreme you can’t portray comic book limbo at all and this would destroy what I felt was a very good comic book and plot necessity trumps a paradox in fiction.

Animal Man: Spoken like a creator.  Well anyway, in the eighties, Grant Morrison, a Brit was brought on board to DC along other with other Brits like Alan Moore and the Brits where given the task of revamping old and out of date characters like myself.  Alan Moore reinvented the Swamp Thing.  Grant Morrison decided to reinvent me!  If only Alan Moore had picked me instead.  The Swamp Thing didn’t have an easy life by any means under the reign of Alan Moore but he got a better deal than me.  Grant Morrison was a sadistic and horrible creator!

Hugh Fox: How was he sadistic?

Animal Man: I didn’t receive metafictional awareness all at once but little by little via a torturous plot line that ran around two years.  My family got killed.  My reality slowly melted around me.  I spent time in comic book limbo as I mentioned before, and this was not pleasant let me tell you.  The reader was more or less aware of what was going on at least a year before so basically I am not having fun with the readers like the She-Hulk but being manipulated for effect.

Hugh Fox: What do you mean?

Animal Man: I met a character in the Coyote Gospel called Crafty that was a thinly veiled Wile E. Coyote of the Road Runner cartoon series. Crafty made a deal with God, creator like you.  God would end the endless cartoon violence of Crafty’s universe if he agreed to enter the DC universe.  Grant tortured Crafty over and over again in this sick story.  In the end Crafty dies in my arms horribly but is totally unable to communicate why he was in the DC Universe because he is a cartoon character.  The reader knows what is going on but I am made a fool of.  Was Grant Morrison punished for this evil comic book in the universe of the Creators?  No, Grant Morrison got an Eisner Award for Best Single Issue of 1989!  There are civil rights organizations, animal rights organizations, and women’s rights organizations.  I think there is a real need for an organization to defend the right of comic book characters in order to prevent this sort of injustice!

Hugh Fox: You aren’t real.  Crafty isn’t real.  You aren’t really feeling pain.

Animal Man: Maybe you aren’t real!  Maybe you are just some character in a comic book or movie or whatever.  Have you ever thought of that?

Hugh Fox: I am not sure if I am in a virtual reality but I am sure a virtual reality would be more numerological than a non-virtual reality.

Animal Man: Anyway, at the end of this torturous metafictional story line I got to meet my creator, Grant Morrison and he dismissed all my pain and suffering very callously and told me some baloney about the death of his cat.  I had my family brutally killed and he is comparing that with the death of his stupid cat!  Creators have no perspective whatsoever.

Hugh Fox: I guess if you are going to be a metafictional character you are much better of being in the Marvel Universe than the DC Universe.

She Hulk: Based on what Animal Man has said, I don’t think it’s a universe thing but a creator thing.  You get someone like John as a creator and you have a great ride.  I have never met Animal Man before this post but if you get someone like Grant Morrison then your metafictional existence is extremely painful.  Too bad you can’t pick your creator.  I also think being female is a plus since most creators are guys and guys treat female characters better than male characters.

Hugh Fox: You think so?  In the DC universe you have had the following terrible things happen to female characters.  Stephanie Brown (Spoiler, Robin IV, Batgirl III) was brutally tortured by the Black Mask with a power drill and shot to “death”.  In Green Lantern #54 showed Kyle Radner coming home to his apartment and finding his dead girlfriend stuck in the refrigerator.

She Hulk: That’s horrible I hope none of those creators ever get a hold of me.

Hugh Fox: Actually one of your creators, John Byrne was mentioned in a section on the list but this section has since been removed.  Yeah there is a whole debate about how female characters are killed and/or tortured in horrific ways in order to generate more sales among the largely teenage male audience.  The name for this controversy is called Women in Refrigerators Syndrome.  There is an infamous list of examples of women who have been killed or tortured horrifically in comic books.  This list was created online by comic book fans in 1999.  The list is a work in progress as new comic books come out.

She Hulk: Despite my metafictional awareness, this awareness is strictly limited to the Marvel universe and I had no knowledge of the events you have mentioned.  The DC universe sounds like a horrible place for women.

Hugh Fox: Ok you two this a DC vs. Marvel post which is in turn part of a series of such posts on my blog and it’s time for less talking and good old slug fest.

Animal Man: Are you kidding just look at her.  She is a female version of the Hulk.  Based on the events of War Hulk I would say the Hulk is the strongest being of the Marvel universe.  Unlike the She-Hulk I have some knowledge of the Marvel universe.  My terrible experiences have made me aware that ignorance is not bliss but a path to suffering and I have expanded my metafictional awareness as much as possible.  Besides there are no animals in this post from I can mimic powers from and I do not sense any animal kingdom on this post.  That’s my super power readers.  For example, if I am around a bird I can fly.  I don’t grow wings or anything, I just can fly.  I once mimicked the strength of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and that’s about as strong as I have ever been and this is nowhere near She-Hulk levels.  And I already know that my super power is totally implausible, even by comic book standards, which is saying a lot, and maybe that’s one of the reasons Grant Morrison decided to pick on me.

Hugh Fox: You want animals?  I’ll give you animals.  I hereby create the entire animal kingdom on this post.  Hey, I have an idea why don’t I get a Kryptonian animal on board?  That way you would have powers that equal or surpass that of Superman.  Hulk vs. Superman fights are very popular online and this would be a variant of that sort of fight.  You absorbed the ability to fire lightning from your face from an alien creature so your ability to mimic alien animal powers is already established.

She Hulk: I don’t know much about this Superman character but if he is strong enough to take on the Hulk then I am not interested.  I am not my cousin the Hulk.  My cousin took me out with a single blow in the War Hulk series, well he didn’t take me out totally, but I had enough sense to stay down.  Look having metafictional awareness means you aren’t as dopey as the superheroes that do not possess such awareness.  You get some perspective and with metafictional awareness and are a lot less likely to engage in simplistic heroics or at least that’s the case with me.

Hugh Fox: I am the creator and ruler of this post and I order you two to start fighting.  I hereby cause Beppo, the Kryptonian super monkey, to appear so Animal Man can be almost as powerful as Superman just as the She-Hulk is almost as powerful as the Hulk.  You won’t have the strength of Superman but you will have the greater agility a monkey has relative to a human.  The contest should be interesting.

Animal Man: I evoke “plot plausibility” which even governs creators.  Why would two super heroes that have no grudge whatsoever just start fighting?

Hugh Fox: Happens all the time in comic books!

Animal Man: Come on you are a better creator than that!

Hugh Fox: Yeah I suppose you are right but how do we decide which universe wins if there is no slug fest?

Animal Man: Before my family was killed brutally I was a pretty good parent and one way I settled conflicts between my son and daughter was through a paper, scissors, stone contest.

Hugh Fox: Ok I can live with that.  It’s got a kind of metafictional dry humor to it that fits this post.

Animal Man and the She-Hulk go ahead and do paper, scissors and stone with their hands and She-Hulk counters Animal Man’s scissors with stone.  So DC beats Marvel in this post.

She Hulk: Hey, why did you let me win?

Hugh Fox: First of all I just want to say I love both your titles.  I am into metafiction.  My novel Half Square is metafiction.  I love comic books so of course I am going to love a metafictional comic book but I prefer your metafictional comic books to those of Animal Man partly partly because of the art if you know what I mean, heh, heh.

She Hulk: So you let me win because I’m hot?  Well I can live with that. 

Hugh Fox: No, not totally, you are a super smart lawyer and let’s face it Animal Man isn’t too bright and a blue collar guy if I recall correctly.  Smarter people do better in games of strategy than dumber people or one would assume.  Last but not least you would have some of that female intuition which I think is largely a greater awareness of body language at a subconscious level and that’s important in a game like paper, scissors, stone.  I think all things being equal women are more likely to win paper, scissors, stone than men although I have no empirical basis for this belief but think it might be an interesting and funny study.

She Hulk: Well whatever your reasons, thanks.  No hard feelings Animal Man.  If DC and Marvel ever decide to do another crossover then make sure to look me up.  I would love to have a long talk with someone else with metafictional awareness and have to admit I am kind of curious about the DC Universe.

Animal Man: I will definitely look you up.  The Avengers/Justice League crossover made a ton of money for both DC and Marvel so I think another crossover is inevitable.  I don’t mind losing at all and just glad we ran into a creator that was smart enough to avoid yet another senseless comic book slug fest.

Hugh Fox: Well readers, that’s the end of this post.   I think a comic book featuring Animal Man and the She-Hulk having some metafictional adventures as a team could be interesting.

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

Other DC vs. Marvel Posts

Big Monsters

Fourth Wall Heroes

Funny Animals

Horror Hosts

Kids

Robots

Sidekicks

Spacemen

Superpets

Teenagers

Transportation

War Heroes

Weapons

Western Heroes

Women in Refrigerators

Working Women

WereVerse Universe Baby!

DC vs. Marvel: Battle of the Super Pets

Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers

Recently, Lockjaw and various super pets of the Marvel universe had a cosmic adventure in Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers.  I am old enough to remember the Legion of Super Pets of the silver age of DC comic books fondly and couldn’t help but notice many similarities.  Because of these memories and the recent Marvel title, I was inspired to write this post. Heroic pets have existed in other media.  In particular, Lassie and Rin Tin Tin existed in film and television but the invention of comic book super heroes led to the very particular super pet.  A super pet is the animal sidekick to a super hero.

Krypto

Probably the most famous super pet is Krypto, Superman’s super dog from Krypton.  Krypto has had many solo adventures in DC comic books and even his own animated series on the Cartoon Network that started in 2005.    The series is regular who’s who of evil super pets.  Some of the evil super pets include the Joker’s hyenas Bud and Lou, Catwoman’s cat Isis, The Penguins trained birds (Artie the Puffin, Griff the Vulture, Waddles the Puffin), and Lex Luthor’s pet iguana Ignatius.

Krypto inspired a whole list of super pets that now appear dated.  I think one explanation of why super pets where so popular in that period but not now is that quite simply the median age of comic book readers during the silver age was much lower than now.  Younger readers like stories about animals and pets more than older readers.  A lot more children’s books are about animals and pets than adult books.  The success of Krypto apparently inspired many more DC super pets.

Beppo

Beppo the Super Monkey from Krypto showed up later.  Krypto had super intelligence for a dog which meant he had human intelligence on Earth.  This in turn means Beppo should be pretty smart, a lot smarter than Krypto, that’s for sure, but we never see any evidence of this difference in intelligence in the Super family stories of the time.  The way these two animals show up at Superboy’s doorstep is hilarious.

Jor El, Superman’s father, presumably a great and compassionate man, rockets his sons pet dog into space to test his rocket to Earth!  Beppo is also rocketed into the void by Jor El.  I think if my dad used my dog for a dangerous experiment that led to the dog’s seeming demise, then I might be a little angry about this.  Superboy never shows any ill feelings about his father’s actions whatsoever.  I can accept Beppo being hurled into the void since he is a monkey and we assume specifically purchased to test the rocket. Krypto is another matter.  Can’t Jor El find some stray dog at the dog pound on Krypton?  Jor El has to use his son’s pet dog? Given that Krypto and Beppo have human intelligence you would also assume they would hate Jor El but this point is never brought up either.

Dogs are supposed to have a sense of smell 1,000 times more powerful than a human being.  Both Superboy and Krypto have super smell but presumably Krypto’s super smell would be a 1,000 times more powerful than that of Superboy.  Superboy fought some pretty sorry villains, mostly petty crooks, compared to Superman, and many times the Super Boy bad guys gave him the slip since he had super powers and they didn’t.  Superboy never ever used his own sense of smell to track a crook.

The use of super smell is pretty much ignored during the silver age by both DC and Marvel.  A current poll at the Comic Vine puts Superman at the top of the super smell list

(http://www.comicvine.com/super-smell/41-19/)

One could argue this is a recent development and Superboy did not have super smell but his dog could still be used to track bad guys.  Later Wolverine, a Marvel superheroe, will use super smell to pursue bad guys and figure out the true identity of a shape shifter.  Mystique, is an enemy of the X-Men, and can change her appearance and thus fool the other X-Men but not Wolverine as demonstrated dramatically in the first X-Men movie.  Superboy never used Krypto to track a bad guy down using scent.  Instead Super Boy relies one hundred percent on flying around and using his super vision and if the crooks are smart enough to hide in a lead shielded place then they get away.

Steaky

Supergirl later acquired a super cat called Streaky.  Streaky was a normal Earth cat that was exposed to X-kryptonite and acquired super powers.  Streaky was not poisoned to death but instead became a super cat.  Super girl also managed to acquire a super horse called Comet.  Comet was not from Krypton but was a centaur turned into a super horse by Circe, the sorceress, and this meant that Comet was invulnerable to Kryptonite. Comet had the power of telepathy unlike the other super pets.  Just as a horse is more powerful physically than a man, Comet was presumably more powerful physically than Superman physically.  This meant Comet was the most powerful character of the Superman family.  Comet as a character is worth analyzing more closely.

Comet

Comet was in love with Supergirl!  Comet even had an affair with Supergirl when he was temporarily a man.  Supergirl also rides Comet into battle.  Interestingly, Superman never rides Comet.  I don’t think most men would like to literally ridden by the object of their affections but maybe I am wrong about this. I suppose, sooner or later, the DC Imprint, Vertigo, will do a reboot of Comet or even all the super pets, with more mature themes explored.

The Superman family inspired the creation of a Batman family.  Superman is a family guy.  Batman is at his best when he is a loner and does not need a Batman family.  Batman associates perhaps but not a family.  Oh well, they had Batman fighting aliens in the same time period. If Superman has a dog then so must Batman.  Batman adopted a dog called Bat-Hound.  Bat-Hound was a normal German Sheppard that wore a mask.  Actually, Bat-Hound was not the stupidest member of the silver age Batman family by any means.  Police use police dogs and Batman is kind of a super policeman and the ability of a dog to act as a hound and follow a scent could be useful to Batman in a pursuit situation.  Batman did use Bat-Hound to track criminals using the dog’s sense of smell! Very recently, Batman used the current incarnation of Krypto, who has normal canine intelligence, to track down a crook with his sense of smell. Further proof, if needed, that Batman is smarter than Superman or at least Superboy.  Bat-Hound and Streaky did appear on Krypto’s animated series.

Other superheroes of that time period also had super pets but they were extremely minor characters.  The Atom had a bird that he rode to battle called Ms. Mina.  Aquaman has a regular aquarium of finny friends but I would put the giant seahorses Aquaman and Aqualad rode at the top of his super pet list.  This lack of Justice League super pets meant that a Justice League of Super Pets was not possible but the creation of a super pet club was possible using another angle.

Proty II

Superboy and Supergirl belonged to something called the Legion of Superheroes in the 30th century.  There were over 20 something legionnaires but only one super pet in the bunch.  Chameleon Boy had a super pet called Proty II.  Proty II was a big yellow blob that could shape shift.  Not much of a super power I supposed but adding him to the Legion of Super Pets meant that club wasn’t exclusively a Superman family club.  Proty also had the power of telepathy like Comet.  Poor Proty, surrounded by super pets with at least a half dozen super powers and all he can do is shape shift.  The situation was probably difficult for Proty to say the least.  Supergirl meets a descendant of Streaky, called Whizzy, in her first adventure with the Legion of Superheroes and the descendant can talk unlike Streaky.  This character is never seen again but logically a talking super cat would be a welcome addition to the Legion of Super Pets.

Adventure Comics 322

I have included the cover of Adventure #322 above.  Comet and Proty are the only two members that have telepathy as a superpower and very appropriately are the only two talking to each other via thought balloons, the comic book version of telepathy.  The plaques at the table conference table give Krypto and Streaky names but Comet and Beppo are simply referred to as super-horse and super-monkey and their names are not used.  I guess only some pets rate an actual name on their plaque.

Lockjaw

Lockjaw is the leader of the Pet Avengers.  Lockjaw can teleport, has super strength, and is a giant.  The Avengers consist of Lockheed, Redwing, Ms. Lion, Zabu, Niels the Cat, and Throg.  The biggest difference between Lockjaws team and the Legion is that Lockjaw’s team has pets that do not have super powers.  The members that have powers are Lockheed, Zabu and Throg.  Zabu is a sabretooth lion.  Lockheed is a miniature dragon about the size of a cat that can fly, has very tough hide and can exhale fire.  Throg is a frog version of Thor and probably has about one tenth the power of Thor or maybe even a lot less.  The other super pets are normal animals.  Niels the Cat aka Hairball, generates a kinetic energy field, like his owner Speedball, and this means he can bounce around and is super slippery.  Cats are pretty slippery anyway so I think catching Niels would not be easy.

Redwing is a hawk that works with the Falcon and at least has super hero experience.  Ms. Lion is a rather silly dog that belongs to Aunt May, the Aunt of Spiderman, and would probably get destroyed in a fight with even a normal street mutt. Ms. Lion has ribbons in her hair!  However, Ms. Lion did sacrifice her life to save Hairball and was only revived later by the power of the infinity gems.  So how would a battle between the Legion of Super Pets and Lockjaw’s Super Pet Avengers turn out?  The two super pet teams have both claimed a particular park in the New York as their territory.  Krypto and Streaky have clearly marked the park as their territory!  The Marvel Avengers try to argue that the park should be open to everyone but Krypto promptly responds human concepts such as sharing territory have nothing to do with animals that live by a different code.

Comet knows what is going to happen next and wants nothing to do with the events that will follow.  Comet has known Krypto for years and years and knows that he is ruthless when it comes to defending his territory.  Comet, as mentioned, is a centaur in animal guise and has had it hanging around a bunch of animals.  Comet is also thousands of years old and is sick of baby sitting the other super pets especially Beppo who he suspects was driven insane by his years alone in space.  Beppo is not the only member of the super pets that might have psychological problems.  Comet is sick of Krypto’s obsession with dinosaur bones that are obviously rock and not bone.  Comet is sick of Streaky getting high on catnip all the time. Comet is sick of being ridden by Supergirl, actually he doesn’t mind that part so much but still. Most of all Comet is sick of how all of them refuse to learn how to use a toilet.  The Legion headquarters stinks to high heaven.  Comet flies off to a far off planet governed by intelligent horse creatures that have achieved space travel and are more advanced technologically than the humans on Earth.  Comet misses Super Girl but when elected king of the planet, due to his many super deeds, gets over it.

The Legion of Super Pets looks at the sorry underpowered Avengers team that is giving them a hard time.  All the other animals on Earth have enough sense to treat them like the top dog, top cat or whatever and decide and example needs to be made once and for all. Streaky goes after Zabu the sabretooth and Zabu puts up a valiant struggle but Streaky is about a million times stronger than Zabu and invulnerable to boot.  Streaky grabs the back of Zabu’s neck with her teeth and rattles him like a rag dog until Zabu’s neck is broken.  Streaky feels a little sorry since Zabu was kind of hot.

Krypto chases Niels all over town and despite superspeed and superflight and super smell has a hard time even touching Niels much less fighting him.  Krypto loses interest in the chase and Niels gets away to fight another day.  Krypto returns to the park and bites Ms. Lions throat and she promptly dies.  Throg zaps Krypto with lightning and the lighting actually hurts due to its magical origin and the vulnerability of Krptonians to magic that may even be higher than that of normal humans.  Krypto decides to not take any chances and uses his ultimate weapon, heat vision.  Krypto zaps Throg with his heat vision.  Even Thor would be in trouble but a frog is especially vulnerable to heat vision.  The amphibian quickly dehydrates and dies. Streaky flies after Redwing, the hawk, and swats him out of the sky with fatal results to Redwing.

Lockheed flies towards Streaky and breathes fire all over Streaky.  Streaky is grateful since the flames remove a lot of dirt she had accumulated during the battle.  Superman uses a super flamethrower at his Fortress of Solitude to clean his uniform and Streaky always thought this was a pretty good idea.  Streaky has never told Krypto that she finds his body smell to be too much and wishes he would learn to clean himself with his tongue like she does.  Streaky slashes Lockheed throat with her claws and Lockheed bleeds to death.

Proty turns into a bush and avoids the battle.  The Avengers don’t have a chance!  Krypto tells the rest of his team to hold off on attacking, the leader, Lockjaw since he wants to save that pooch for last.  Krypto is going to teach Lockjaw who is top dog once and for all. The Legion surrounds Lockjaw.  Lockjaw looks at the mutilated bodies of his friends and vows revenge.  Lockjaw teleports the Legion and himself to a Kryptonian style planet and all the super pets lose their powers except Proty.  “If only Comet hadn’t abandoned them”, thinks Krypto just before he loses his super intelligence and the ability to formulate full sentences.

Lockjaw has super canine strength in his jaw and at one time locked down on the Thing’s arm and the Thing could not get away.  I would estimate Lockjaw is eight feet from nose to tail and probably weighs in excess of six hundred pounds.  Basically Lockjaw is a giant bulldog.  Lockjaw chomps all the Kryptonian super pets to death.  Proty turns into a local shrub in order to hide from the wrath of Lockjaw but Lockjaw as a dog easily sniffs him out and chomps his head off or rather the upper part of his body since Proty doesn’t really have a head.  Lockjaw promptly spits Proty out of his mouth since Antareans taste like plastic mixed with detergent.  Lockjaw doesn’t mind eating the odd robot now and then but Proty just doesn’t taste good.

The Marvel team wins but a terrible cost!

After I wrote this post Marvel published The Marvel Pets Handbook.  The writers of this handbook graciously admit that their “Distinguished Competitor” (DC) had a head start in the super pet area but that Marvel is taking the lead in this category and I have to agree.  The handbook includes entries for

Ant-Man’s Ants, Ape, Aragorn, Beasts of Berlin, Bill & Don, Blaze the Wonder Collie, Brightwind, Cerberus, Collector’s Creatures, Cosmo, Cr’ree, Currs, Deuce, Devil Dinosaur, Diablo, Droog, Ebony, Freki & Geri, Frogs of Central Park, Garm, Giganto, Hell Storm’s Demon-Steeds, Hellcow, Hellhorse, Ina & Briri, Kerberos, Kraven the Hunter’s Menagerie, Krill, Lobo, Lockheed, Lockjaw, Man-oo, Max, Mole Man’s Monsters, Monkey Joe, Munin & Hugin, Niels, Nimo, Old Lace, Outcasts, Princess Python’s Pythons, Preyy, Puppy, Red Ghosts’ Apes, Redwin, Saint, Sassafras, Sleipnir, Strider, Tippy-Toe, Toothgnasher & Toothgrinder, Valinor, Valykrior Steeds, Vixen, Watchdog, Zabu, and Zar.  There is even an appendix of Cowboy Horses of the West and another appendix of miscellaneous pets.  This handbook should really be titled “Marvel Animal Handbook” since the entries go way beyond just super-pets and mention just about every animal that has ever appeared in the Marvel universe and had a name and even some unamed animals.

My other website at:

Fox Superpower List

Other DC vs. Marvel Posts

Big Monsters

Fourth Wall Heroes

Funny Animals

Horror Hosts

Kids

Robots

Sidekicks

Spacemen

Superpets

Teenagers

Transportation

War Heroes

Weapons

Western Heroes

Women in Refrigerators

Working Women

WereVerse Universe Baby!