The Funeral of Odin

Attendees in the picture below include some Celestials, Uatu the Watcher, Iron Man, Captain America, Ghost Rider, the Silver Surfer, the Thing and assorted Asgardians including Hela and Sif (?) next to Hela in the procession.  There are also some enemies of the Asgardians including four Frost Giants and Ulik the strongest rock troll.  This continues the Marvel tradition established in the graphic novel The Death of Captain Marvel of enemies honoring the death of a great opponent.

The Funeral of Odin would make a great animated short and could be the seventh episode of the Marvel One-Shot collection.  The junior executive Celestials talk business. The junior executive Celestials rib the Watcher about his “skirt”, bald head and the Watchers having lost a war with the Celestials (FF#398-400).

The Watcher corrects the Celestials and tells them he is wearing an always in fashion toga not a skirt and hey if Zeus (Marvel) can wear a toga then so can the Watchers.  For the record Zeus should be in attendance in the movie and possibly Hercules for some logical fighting and arguing.  Asgardians and Olympians have a natural rivalry that can be exploited for the mandatory fight scenes.  Maybe Sif versus Venus.  Balder vs Apollo.  Pluto vs Hela. All three fights at the same time!  Intercut between the fights visually like the sword fights in Pirates of the Caribbean (film).

The Enchantress (Marvel) and Venus (Marvel) engage in a competition in which they both try to seduce a man the other gals choses.  The Enchantress dares Venus to seduce Thor.  Thor finds Venus enchanting and admits to a certain lust BUT Thor has promised to be Sif’s before Ragnarök and Thor is NOT an oath breaker.  And Thor muses that if Sif ever found out.  Then Venus better flee to the outermost dimension for her life for Sif has a sword immune to womanly charms and Sif likes men period. So out of respect for the continued existence of Venus Thor must decline the generous offer of carnal knowledge of Venus.  Venus is relieved because she was starting to fall for Thor and his simple ways and the Goddess of Love must never be in love or the cosmos will shake for if the Goddess in Love is in love then so are all creatures that she has influence over.  Venus has the power to become totally in love and a person totally in love wants everyone to share their joy in love.  Basically, everyone has taken Love Potion Number Nine (song) not just one person.

In a fit of catty spite, body language wise, Venus does not pick Hercules as the seduction challenge of the Enchantress. Due to his Lothario ways but instead picks the goddess Artemis (Marvel)who is the goddess of chastity, the moon and the hunt.  Of course, the Enchantress is bisexual and thinking all Greek gods are the same and hedonistic and readily agrees.  The Enchantress has histrionic personality disorder plus being a narcistic sociopath.  Artemis takes one look at the Enchantress with her power of animal communication and knows something is wrong with the Enchantress.  Artemis uses her ability to hunt to bind and cage the Enchantress.  Artemis is a master archer in the Marvel universe and has more trick arrows than Hawkeye including magic arrows that defy physics.  An arrow that acts as side cute side kicks for Artemis might be a good idea.

Artemis then banishes the Enchantress to a two-year stint with the Amazons in one of their Amazonia re-education camps meant to cure wayward gals.  For the Amazon criminal and insane behavior have the same root cause and physical challenge and the banishment of wrong thinking through punishment is the cure.  The Enchantress has been VERY wayward.  Just ask Thor!

Big sword and staff fight between Balder (Marvel) and Apollo (Marvel).  Balder is the God of Light.  Balder’s sword acts as a focus for his light altering power.  Apollo is the god of the Sun and has control over heat and light.  Apollo’s uses a staff to control his solar energies more accurately and not inadvertently destroy the solar system.  Balder is very fast and agile and dodges sun blasts by Apollo.  Apollo is immune to Balder’s light power but not his blows.  The fight between Balder and Apollo causes the Phoenix Force to appear and she explains because Balder and Apollo are both avatars of the Phoenix Force and thus brothers. Furthermore, brothers should not fight.  The Phoenix Forces irradiates the temple of Balder and Apollo with a mind blast of enlightenment.  After the mind blast, Apollo and Balder hug and cry like brothers and promise to work together to illuminate reality.

The third battle is a reality altering fight similar to The Sword and the Stone film (1963) between Hela (Marvel) and Pluto (Marvel) Hela does more shape changing and Pluto does more environment changing tricks and uses lots of volcanic action to beat Hela.

The three junior executive including the ring leader Gamiel drink around the work cooler which in the case of Celestials is a super-giant star.  Galactus eats mere planets.  The diet of Celestials is largely plasma from active stars but one star can feed many Celestials for a period of time. There are many more stars than planets and the Celestials only use solar systems with life that has been deemed unworthy of existence.  This is why the Celestials judge worlds.  Hunger is not as big a problem for celestials as for Galactus.

Sol, the Sun of Earth, is not big but the plasma gets Celestials really high and fast for whatever reasons.  Galactus has found Earth energy to be tasty and the Celestials have an explanation.  If the Earth tastes good then logically the Sun the mother of Earth in terms of matter, stardust, and energy probably is also sweet and Earth inherits the sweetness from mom. Celestial taste and human taste are different organically and conceptually.  Tasting plasma is the stuff of poets in Celestial society.

Celestials drink a star together with gigantic straws that are bigger than Jovian planets and apparently the plasma heats their innards, provide sustenance via armor conversion and Celestials, especially young celestials get sort of drunk if they drink plasma too hot and too quickly and burp/vomit as well.  The Celestials generally meet other Celestials at the social level at stars that taste good and known as Celestial hang outs.  Seating and straws that are near the center of popular stars tend to be crowded and older and more powerful Celestials get precedence for this inner star core seating.

The reason that the Earth has so many mutants and superpowered individuals might be due to Celestial burps and vomit that permeate Earth’s solar system or so says the Celestial gossip. For this reason, Celestials go a little easy on us while judging because they feel guilty about soiling our planet and Earth beings with their bodily functions.  The Celestials also find the superpowered beings of Earth fascinating due to their relative rarity in the other Marvel planets.

The drunken junior executive Celestials get dirty and talk about the lack of secondary sex organs of the Watchers and how the male Watchers and female Watchers both have bald heads.

Jemiah overhears the three Celestial kids and calls the Celestial known as the One Above All who appears out of nowhere within hand reaching distance of the three young celestials and backhands the young Celestials and tells them to wash their mouth out with an anti-matter soap immediately.  Celestial antimatter kills 99.9999999999999 of all diseases found in the matter universe.

The One Above All is the leader of the Celestials and presumably the most powerful Celestial and the Celestials are above watcher class and as a race probably out-strip Galactus.  Maybe the One Above All is as powerful as Galactus since he has the power to resurrect Celestials, WOW!

The Uatu (Marvel) the Watcher seeks solace and sympathy from the Celestials in the company of the Asgardian gals Sif and Hera.  Sif leaves and approaches Venus and Thor since she doesn’t trust that Olympian hussy in the least.  Hela seems interested in talking with an older man with a “cosmic perspective” about death.  Uatu the Watcher tells Hela that she is one of his favorite death personifications.  Hela loves the compliment since she gets a bad rap being a goddess of death and no one thinks about her feelings.  The dying are me, me, me and never consider what a hard job she has being stoic and impartial.  Even the Asgardians the go to Valhalla are not all that appreciative of being dead.  Hela wants a prognosis about her own future and Uatu cryptically states that “reality is impermanent and not accepting this impermanence is the cause of suffering”.

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