Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus


Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray ► Animated Book Summary

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Summary – John Gray

Mars and Venus Today (Documentary)

1.0) Point System – Women

1.1) Each individual act of love gets one point, regardless of magnitude.

1.2) Money and/or time involved in the act is less important than the emotion behind the act

2.0) Point System – Men

2.1) Men assign small acts fewer points.

2.2) Men assign big acts more points if the acts was more money and/or time

2.3) Affective context of the act is less relevant

3.0) Stress – Women

3.1) Women use a “wave” to handle stress

3.2) The wave is an act of giving that is reciprocated

3.3) Women need attention, listening, and understanding to stop the wave from crashing

4.0) Stress – Men

4.1) Men withdraw when exposed to stress

4.2) Men withdraw to “the cave”

4.3) The cave can be the garage and/or a bar

5.0) Why We Communicate – Women

5.1) Seeking connection

5.2) Build and maintain relationships with others

5.3) Talking is the essence of relationships

6.0) Why We Communicate – Men

6.1) Seeking status

6.2) When it makes them look good, strong, competitive, or independent

7.0) Communication Styles – Women

7.1) Express emotions

7.2) Share personal feelings

7.3) Relate stories

7.4) Listen empathically (also called rapport talk)

8.0) Communication Styles – Men

8.1) Competitive joking

8.2) Assertive speech that wins control of the conversation (report talk)

9.0) Differing Perceptions – Women: Connection Lens

9.1) Look for similarities to achieve connection

9.2) Try to achieve equality

10.0) Differing Perceptions – Men: Status Lens

10.1) Look for differences to achieve status

10.2) Young boys try to “one up” each other

10.3) Strength of personalities means height of status

11.0) Non-Verbal Communication – Women

11.1) Direct, face-to-face gaze

11.2) Used to focus on connection

11.3) Misinterpret no eye contact as a sign of not listening

12.0) Non-Verbal Communication – Men

12.1) Avoid direct eye contact

12.2) Are still listening, although they may not look directly at you

12.3) Misinterpret direct eye contact as a confrontational or flirtatious

13.0) Conversational Rituals – Women

13.1) Use compliments

13.2) Related to the connection dimension

14.0) Conversational Rituals – Men

14.1) Use playful insults and teasing

14.2) Related to the status dimension

15.0) Small Talk – Women

15.1) Talking about personal subjects in order to give sense of connection

Ex: “How’s your family?”

16.0) Small Talk – Men

16.1) Focuses on information – details, statistics

Ex: sports and hobbies

17.0) Giving Orders – Women

17.1) Indirect

17.2) Use strategies not to appear bossy

17.3) Men interpret this as:

17.4) Not being managerial

Easier to say “NO”

18.0) Giving Orders – Men

18.1) Direct

18.2) Dictate orders

18.3) Not bossy or offensive

18.4) Women interpret this as:



19.0) The “Double Blind” for Women

19.1) Expectations for how an authority figure should speak is based upon men in authority

19.2) If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears pushy or bossy

19.3) If a woman is indirect (feminine) she appears incompetent

20.0) Why Is This Important?

20.1) Most men and women don’t grasp that “talking through their problems” with each other will only make things worse if it’s their divergent ways of talking that are causing the trouble in the first place

20.2) If we recognize and understand the differences, we can take them into account, adjust to, and learn from each other’s styles

20.3) This will allow us to confront real conflicts of interest

21.0) Some Survival Tips – Women

21.1) Give ideas outright without disclaimer

21.2) Be more concrete when giving orders

22.0) Some Survival Tips – Men

22.1) Give compliments more freely

22.2) Use praise to temper criticism

22.3) Asks for another’s opinion to make them feel included



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